Stuck in the Complaining Phase? Here's How to Move Forward
All chronic complainers should establish this ratio
Posted April 18, 2025 | Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano
Complaining can be quite easy to do. What's more difficult is to make changes that will actually address the problems that are the subjects of complaints.
So how do you make the seemingly big leap? A solution is to establish and stay at or above an action-to-complaint ratio.
Complaining Can Help When Done in Moderation and Constructively
Of course, complaining is not without its benefits. It can serve as a way to vent and help identify those who may face similar challenges, provide different perspectives, or offer potential solutions. Complaining can actually be part of the solution when done directly to the source of the problems, as long as you offer a viable way forward at the same time. For example, you might want to complain to a person standing on your foot or politicians who represents your district or state as long as it's about something they could handle and not about, say, the weather.
Complaining Can Become a Bad Habit
However, too often, complaining becomes a habit rather than a path to a solution. We've all been in conversations where someone will complain and complain without really doing anything. If you've never noticed that, then maybe you are the chronic complainer in your group.
It can be especially easy to get stuck in such a complaining cycle when the problems seem much larger than yourself, such as a bad societal trend or a mammoth institution where you're the Assistant Associate Vice Overseeing Nothing person. You may feel that you have no power to do anything, and complaining is a crutch to abdicate responsibility.
You Have More Power than You Realize
No matter how insignificant you may feel or how big the problem may appear, you can take positive action. You can do something that might chip away at any problem. It will allow you to feel better about yourself and honestly say, "At least, I tried."
Plus, you likely have more personal power than you realize. Does anyone rely on you in any way? Do you pay money to anyone else? If you were to disappear tomorrow, would anyone notice? If your answer to any of these questions is "yes," then you do have at least some kind of influence.
Moreover, what's the alternative? Taking no action? Waiting for some magical genie to appear one day? As long your intentions are good, taking some kind of action is nearly always better than taking no action at all.
Major Change Occurs with Accumulated Actions
Chronic complainers can buy into the pervasive myth that major change occurs only from the actions of one superhero leader. That will leave complainers pining for some kind of "visionary" or "game-changer" to emerge and save the day. In reality, major change typically occurs only after there's already been an accumulation of many different smaller actions leading to an inflection point or a tipping point. Often, the game-changer just happened to be in the right place in the right time to help push things past this point and in turn get the lion's share of the credit when many others toiled in anonymity.
The thing is, without having a DeLorean that can time travel, no one can really tell in advance when exactly a given inflection point will be reached. A personal life, institution, industry, or society may be ripe for change. But no one knows what specific action when will be the one that gets everything past that inflection point into a new direction.
Taking Action Can Lead to More Actions
That's why taking some kind of action is so important. Even when a single action doesn't seem to have any effect, you never know when it will lay the ground for the next action, and the next and the next. Taking action can make it easier to take more actions. Your action could also motivate action from others.
Say, for example, you are not happy with the state of society, the government, or politicians in general. Sure, you may believe correctly that the big dogs won't immediately listen to anyone around $999.99 million short of being a billionaire. But they may listen when you stand with others. Why not then write a letter to your local political, business, or organizational leader suggesting a solution and emphasize how that person needs to earn your vote, business, loyalty, or whatever? What if you were to encourage others to do the same? Who knows what cascade you might generate or what inflection point you might hit?
Establish and Stick to an Action-to-Complaint Ratio
Again, it's OK to complain as long it is in moderation and followed by appropriate action. One way of enforcing this is to establish an action-to-complaint ratio that you will always fulfill. Ideally, the ratio will be one: for every complaint you make, you will take some kind of positive action. It can be a small action but should be something ostensibly positive. For example, if you complain about your career situation, try matching that complaint with taking a class that will give you some kind of useful new skill. Choose a ratio that ensures that you get yourself past the complaining phase.
Staying at or above your ratio can ensure that you use complaining more as a facilitator than as a crutch. Otherwise, your complaining won't do a whole lot and could even create more problems. For example, you wouldn't want others to start complaining about you being just a complainer.
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Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A., is a writer, journalist, professor, systems modeler, computational and digital health expert, physician, avocado-eater, and entrepreneur, not always in that order.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.