Lopsided Relationships: When Your Needs Always Come Last
Signs that your relationship is unbalanced and what you can do about it..
Posted September 9, 2022 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Relationships require mutual give and take. Both people need to demonstrate empathy and care for each other. They need to show interest in each other’s goals and ideas, and a desire to meet each other’s needs whenever possible.
Lopsided relationships lack this mutuality. One person consistently does all the giving and caretaking but receives little in return. This is not a recipe for a sustainable and fulfilling relationship. According to one study, individuals in lopsided relationships experienced more conflicts and physical aggression , and lower levels of relationship satisfaction, than individuals in more balanced relationships (Stanley et al., 2017).
Signs you’re in a lopsided relationship
Trying to fix or change your partner leads to burnout, resentment, and conflict
Sometimes you don’t realize that your caregiving has crossed the line into unhealthy caretaking, or what's often called codependency . A healthy relationship consists of two whole and independent people who mutually support each other. Several problems can result when you’re focused on taking care of or fixing your partner.
How to create a more balanced relationship
If you’re in a lopsided relationship, there are things you can do to try to make it more balanced and fulfilling:
Most importantly, remember that we all deserve mutually caring relationships in which we both give and receive support.
Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., Scott, S. B., Kelmer, G., Markman, H. J., & Fincham, F. D. (2017). Asymmetrically committed relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 34(8), 1241-1259.
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Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in San Jose, California.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.