Is Real Security Possible?
What is this situation asking of me?
Posted March 25, 2026 | Reviewed by Tyler Woods
I recently discovered I was living with a fabricated measure of security. Such a discovery had me wondering about other possible forms of fake security in my life.
Living in rural Connecticut almost demands having a generator to handle periodic power outages. Last December, we purchased a $10,000.00 generator, which I decided would be the way to secure winter warmth. No storm would leave us shivering under candlelight.
However, our trusty generator needed propane to operate. Discovering a reliable source was a tedious task with no easy find. We made it through two winter storms with the hope that a propane delivery was imminent. Unfortunately, not so imminent. The third storm left us powerless for more than 30 hours. I awoke on a Tuesday morning with viral bronchitis and was greeted by a room temperature of 52 degrees.
My immediate response was to curse the new propane company. I quickly dressed, refusing to wear a hat, and noticed how victimized I felt. I decided to hold myself to a level of accountability. Remaining a victim did not feel like a viable option with no one prepared to save me. I thought, what do I advocate others do when a situation is not accommodating their needs? I typically suggest pausing with the question: “What is this situation asking of me?”
It became obvious that I had allowed myself to slip into a very misleading conventional way of understanding life: that life is understandable, predictable, and mostly secure. I needed to peel away a layer of the culture wrapped around me. With a moment of reflection, I came back to understanding life as filled with unknowns, very unpredictable, and quite insecure. My sparkling new generator was guaranteed to do nothing other than look quite impressive sitting in our yard. Once we decide that life is not filled with unknowns and is highly unpredictable, the stage is set for creating an array of fabricated security measures. A sound bank account, a home, a job, a family, friends, a good reputation, and a damn good generator can all fail their mission to offer security.
From the Latin, the word security means “without care and safe, free from danger.” Well, if we get honest about the nature of life, we’ll never be free from danger. We will experience betrayal, loss, illness, accidents, violence, war, and catastrophic natural events. Given the nature of the journey, it makes sense to live with an appropriate level of denial . It means being aware of the truth about life, and not ruminating about it, since it would be easy to be overcome with worry, anxiety , and incapacitation.
4 Measures of Softening
The sooner we accept the reality of life without cynicism , the more likely we will feel less shocked and surprised by life’s blows. Let’s look at four measures of softening insecurity that help us live life on life’s terms.
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Paul Dunion, Ed.D., has been in private practice as a psychotherapist and consultant for the past 45 years and has published eight books.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.