Is It Actually Possible to Love Two People at the Same Time?
Can the loving heart expand while keeping its uniqueness?
Posted April 12, 2026 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
“ My fantasy is to have five lovers. However, I do not think that my husband will agree—and, anyway, I will not have time for them all. I believe that three is the limit .” —A polyamorous married woman
Polyamory—maintaining simultaneous romantic relationships with multiple people—is often criticized for spreading love too thin. But is this truly the case? Empirical evidence suggests that humans are capable of loving—and being sexually involved with—more than one person at a time. One study, for example, indicates that about 10% of Americans have engaged in polyamory at some point (Moors et al., 2021).
The Value of Uniqueness
“ I thought I was in love with two at the same time; turns out, I did not love either of them .” —Woman
“ To live without your love is just impossible .” —Elvis Presley
We long for the kind of idealized love depicted in novels, films, poems, and popular music. At the heart of this ideal is uniqueness. This is reflected in beliefs such as: lovers are fused into a single entity (“we are soulmates”), the beloved is irreplaceable (“there is only one true love”), and love is exclusive (“I only have eyes for you”).
This ideal assumes that love is comprehensive, uncompromising, and unconditional—sometimes to the point of dismissing reality. Within this framework, “All we need is love.” Such an emphasis on uniqueness appears to rule out loving two people simultaneously. Fusion into a single, exclusive unit leaves little room for an additional partner who challenges both exclusivity and the notion of a singular soulmate.
A central question thus arises: Is uniqueness the only viable form of profound love, or can the romantic heart expand? And if it can, what value does that expansion hold?
Can the Loving Heart Expand?
“ Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened .” —Buddha
“ The heart is not like a box that gets filled up; it expands in size the more you love .” —Samantha, Her
Human beings have limited resources, and distributing them among several partners may reduce what each relationship receives. Yet love may resemble happiness , which—echoing Buddha’s metaphor—is often not diminished when shared. Sometimes, though not always, romantic love is not reduced by being divided. In this sense, the heart can expand.
This reflects a fundamental tension between two models: a resource- competition (zero-sum) model, and an expanding (additive) model. Both capture important truths. Love is not a fixed supply of energy but an emotional capacity that can generate additional positive energy when expressed. Still, it is not boundless; the risk of spreading oneself too thin remains real.
Three psychological capacities may support the expanding heart:
These considerations suggest that the heart can, under certain conditions, expand to include more than one lover. The remaining question concerns the value—and cost—of such expansion.
Polyamory and Open Marriages
“ Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home—I’m tired .” —Mae West
It is important to distinguish between open marriages, which emphasize sexual freedom, and polyamory, which includes deeper romantic bonds. Although the boundary between them is often blurred, polyamory typically involves greater emotional depth. Many polyamorous individuals—especially women—tend to engage sexually only with partners they love. At the same time, they may fall in love more easily, since they allow emotional involvement in situations others might avoid. Secondary relationships generally require fewer commitments than primary ones, making them easier to initiate. Polyamorous individuals also tend to hold more positive attitudes toward sexuality . Yet the greater emotional depth of polyamory does not necessarily make it more beneficial than open sexual arrangements; often, it does not (Ben‑Ze’ev, 2019).
Polyamory and Relationship Quality
“ I have been with my husband for 23 years, and with my boyfriend for 4 years. I love both deeply .” —Woman
Even if romantic capacity can expand, its limits remain. Polyamory often increases overall romantic intensity, partly because of novelty and change. The sexual dimension is particularly salient, especially in secondary relationships (Conley et al., 2018). But profound love requires sustained time and attention . Multiple partners may reduce the quality time available to each relationship. Distribution also becomes an issue: How is expanded love divided? A primary partner may receive less, or even less than a secondary partner. Alternatively, both partners may benefit relative to earlier circumstances.
It would be mistaken to regard polyamory and emotional depth as incompatible. Polyamorous relationships can foster self-expansion through multiple romantic connections. Yet this quantitative expansion carries the risk of reducing the quality of each individual bond (Ben‑Ze’ev, 2022; Halevi, 2021).
“ Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool …” —Mary MacGregor
Love can expand without necessarily becoming diluted, but expansion also creates tensions inherent in maintaining parallel relationships. Keeping all romantic options open risks spreading emotional investments too thin. Yet closing off all alternatives conflicts with human curiosity and the inherent desire for growth and renewal. Few people claim that attraction to others disappears after finding a life partner. More often, curiosity persists—though it is not always acted upon.
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Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., former President of the University of Haifa, is a professor of philosophy. His books include The Arc of Love: How Our Romantic Lives Change Over Time.
This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.