I'm Putting My Passport Away: Maybe You Should Too
Personal Perspective: Celebrating your biggest wins abroad may become your biggest letdown.
Posted May 5, 2025 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
Picture this: You've just landed your dream job, crushed a major fitness goal, or finally finished that degree you've been working toward for years. What's next? For some of us, it's time to celebrate with an epic overseas adventure. Science backs up the importance of celebrating milestones—because recognizing big wins is key to sustaining future motivation (Hoffman, 2025). A little downtime allows us to recharge our batteries, and a pat on the back feels good. According to neuroscience , judicious reward is one effective way to attain even bigger future success (Schultz, 2016).
I'm a self-proclaimed travel junkie. For 17 years, I've been collecting passport stamps like dogs collect ticks in the forest. So, when I submitted my latest book draft to the publisher, you bet I packed my bags for three glorious weeks in Europe. But what started as a victory lap turned into a wake-up call. You see, I'd checked the weather, researched the best gelato spots, and even spent weeks refreshing my Italian and Spanish "Where is the bathroom" and "Can I have a little discount" phrases. But I'd completely missed the memo about how differently some travelers are being treated these days.
When "Lost in Translation" Becomes "Lost in Frustration"
In Spain, I woke up with this agonizing pain in my side. No biggie, I hoped—but I bolted into the hospital to be sure I wasn’t dying in a foreign country. But here's where things turned sourer than my stomach. The doctor told me that their major hospital didn't have ultrasound equipment. Really? In a brand-new facility in a major modern city? Something felt off. Later, I asked a local who confirmed my suspicions. Guess what? He had no trouble getting an ultrasound at the same hospital.
Fast forward to lunch in Rome. Everything's fine until the bill arrives. There's this mysterious "service charge" on top of the usual cover charge. Now, I've traveled enough to know what’s normal—in Italy, they actually frown on tipping! When I questioned it, the server grudgingly removed it. Out of curiosity, in my broken Italian, I asked a local couple if they got hit with the same charge. Their emphatic "no," understandable in any language, said it all.
Here are a few more gems from my latest adventure:
You know that sinking feeling when you realize you're not imagining things? Yeah, that's what hit me. Humans are natural pattern-seekers, and when the same weird stuff keeps happening, your brain starts connecting the dots (Goossens, 2000). Turns out, there's actual science backing up what I was feeling. For the first time in nearly two decades of globe-trotting, I felt less like an honored guest and more like an uninvited relative showing up unannounced at a holiday dinner.
The Psychology of "Why Don't They Like Me Anymore?"
You know what makes us love traveling? We're like kids in a candy store—everything's exciting, every face is a potential friend, and every meal is Instagram -worthy. But when that warm welcome turns chilly, it messes with our heads more than jet lag ever could.
Research describes what I experienced as "social exchange theory," but I call it basic human decision-making , which, in part, is based on emotion . When people are nice to us, we feel good. When they're not, we start questioning everything (Yoon, Gursoy, & Chen, 2001). Did I say something wrong? Was it my obnoxious “peace and love” backpack?
Motivation researchers have found that negative experiences diminish intrinsic motivation to travel more powerfully than positive experiences can enhance it (Nawijn & Fricke, 2015). When cross-cultural interactions create negative experiences, they disrupt our motivational balance, or what happens when we experience a deviation between expectations and perceptions of outcomes based on exerted effort.
So Now What? The Staycation Nation
You want to know something crazy? I discovered my "stupid American" joke is now my secret weapon. When things got awkward, I put on my best sheepish grin and said, "I'm just a stupid American, please help me out here!" Works like a charm. People's faces light up, they start laughing , and suddenly we're all in on the joke together. But who wants that?
I'll be honest with you—my wanderlust is hibernating. For the first time in forever, I'm looking at domestic deals instead of international flights. The American road trip is calling my name louder than a Spanish salami right now.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing in the towel forever. But sometimes you need to take a break from the game when the rules keep changing. As the Travel Career Approach research suggests, our motivations evolve through our experiences (Sirakaya & Woodside, 2005). Sometimes that evolution means taking a step back to move forward.
The Bottom Line: It's Not You, It's... Well, Maybe It Is You
Here's my takeaway from this European adventure (or misadventure): For 17 years, that mirror showed me smiling faces and open arms. This time? Not so much. And you know what? That's OK. Research shows that travelers adapt their behavior in response to perceived barriers (Chen & Rahman, 2018). Sometimes that adaptation means staying home for a while.
So I'm putting my passport on pause—not because I'm giving up on the world, but because I'm giving myself permission to explore differently. Maybe by the time I dust off my passport again, the winds will have shifted. Or maybe I'll discover that home has adventures I never even imagined. Either way, I'm choosing to see this not as an ending but as a plot twist in my ongoing travel story.
Chen, H., & Rahman, I. (2018). Cultural tourism: An analysis of engagement, cultural contact, memorable tourism experience and destination loyalty. Tourism Management Perspectives , 26, 153–163.
Goossens, C. (2000). Tourism information and pleasure motivation. Annals of Tourism Research , 27(2), 301–321.
Hoffman, B. (2025). The Paradox of Passion: How Rewards Covertly Control Motivation. Rowman & Littlefield.
Nawijn, J., & Fricke, M. C. (2015). Visitor emotions and behavioral intentions: The case of concentration camp memorial Neuengamme. International Journal of Tourism Research , 17 (3), 221–228.
Schultz, W. (2016). Dopamine reward prediction error coding. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience , 18 (1), 23–32.
Sirakaya, E., & Woodside, A. G. (2005). Building and testing theories of decision making by travellers. Tourism Management , 26(6), 815–832.
Yoon, Y., Gursoy, D., & Chen, J. S. (2001). Validating a tourism development theory with structural equation modeling. Tourism Management , 22(4), 363–372.
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Bobby Hoffman , Ph.D. , is an associate professor at the University of Central Florida.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.