How to Tell Your Children You Are Getting Divorced
Consider these five tips for a calm, compassionate, honest conversation.
Posted January 14, 2026 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Every parent dreads this conversation. It is one of the most difficult in any divorce, as it means sharing heartbreaking news with your children. We are all programmed to nurture and protect our kids, so this step may feel like it goes against our parental instincts. And yet being a parent also means being honest and responsible. That includes letting your children know about changes to your family’s life.
What’s more, you are your children’s most important role model. In sharing this news, you have an opportunity to demonstrate both vulnerability and resilience . It’s important to communicate a balance of “this is a sad time” and “we are going to get through this.”
Ideally, you’ll tell all your children in person at once, but that may not be possible if one or more of them is at college, studying abroad, or away at camp, for example. Try to avoid asking your children to keep your news a secret, especially from their siblings. That puts too much pressure on them in an already stressful situation.
The best-case scenario is that you and your spouse sit down together and develop an agreed-upon set of statements. However, if your spouse is unwilling, absent, or can’t be relied on, you’ll have to tell the children yourself. While this is not ideal, it is sometimes the reality. Hearing the news from one thoughtful, rational parent is better than hearing it from two people who can’t agree on what to say, or who end up saying hurtful things to each other or their children.
Timing the Conversation
In general, it’s better to tell older kids sooner rather than later because they’re more likely to pick up on tension in the house and overhear your conversations. It’s also best if you have information about any upcoming changes in housing before you sit down with them to talk.
I’d recommend waiting to tell much younger children until a housing change is imminent. Younger children can’t track time the way adults do, so sharing changes to the family well in advance won’t serve them. If one of you is moving out, tell younger kids no more than a few weeks beforehand.
When timing the conversation, try to avoid other big transitions in their lives, like mourning a death, graduating from high school or college, starting the school year, or leaving for summer camp. Of course, there is no perfect time to share this difficult news, and you may have little control over the timing. However, do whatever is in your power to ease kids into the transition.
Many parents worry about what to say, how to say it, and what impact it will have on their children. You may feel pressure to “get it right” or “say it all” during this first conversation. While it is important to be thoughtful about how you share the news, keep in mind that you will be talking to your children many times over many years about the divorce. For this initial conversation, less is more.
Because this is your children’s first time hearing the news, and because you’ll likely be in an emotional place, it’s best to keep the conversation brief. You can always add more details later. Once you’ve said your part, let them react and ask questions. Be prepared with answers to their questions. Let them leave the room if they need to. You can check on them after a few minutes to remind them you’re still available to hear their thoughts and feelings.
5 tips for a more grounded conversation
This is an abridged excerpt from my new book Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women.
Metz, O. (2026). Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women . New York, NY. Gallery Books
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Oona Metz, LICSW, is an expert on divorce and the author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.