How to Tell When Emotional Intimacy Is Slipping Away
Signs a couple is losing emotional intimacy, and what to do about it.
Updated May 12, 2026 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan
Talk of intimacy is typically reduced to sexuality , leaving emotional intimacy an obscure topic. But if we can’t talk about it, we can’t notice when it’s robust or compromised.
We can begin by defining emotional intimacy as the emotional unity of two separate and unique individuals. Working with this definition entails several responsibilities. The first is to remain conscious of your own uniqueness, expressed by your needs and desires, your beliefs and values. The second is to support your partner’s uniqueness. The third is the decision to build a relationship comprised of the components of your individual selves. (See my post, “10 Building Blocks of Emotional Intimacy.” )
Signs a Couple Is Losing Emotional Intimacy
Even if we are committed to remaining emotionally intimate, life brings enough demands and distractions to lead us to wander away from that path. Here are some suggestions that wandering is happening.
How to Restore Emotional Intimacy
We can make our way back to emotional intimacy with our partners. The first step is to be accountable for either the way you moved away or how you colluded with your partner’s distancing.
When it’s collusion, taking accountability might sound like this: “I regret that when I couldn’t find you, I didn’t come look for you. I just decided you didn’t want to be with me.” If you were the one who moved away, accountability might sound like: “I’m sorry that I allowed myself to get lost in my work,” “I regret that I stopped asking you about how your days were going,” “I’m sorry I made myself inaccessible rather than telling you I felt angry," or “I’m sorry I put the kids between us.”
The next step is to enliven desire with two questions: “What am I asking of our relationship?" and "What is our relationship asking of me?”
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Paul Dunion, Ed.D., has been in private practice as a psychotherapist and consultant for the past 45 years and has published eight books.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.