How to Teach Empathy to Narcissists
Help your narcissist clients to learn cognitive empathy first.
Posted May 25, 2026 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer Ph.D.
One of the biggest complaints I hear about people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), is they lack emotional empathy. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, this means that you are likely to be shocked by how entirely self-centered your partner is and how little he or she notices or cares about any pain they cause you.
Narcissists Can Become More Empathic
All narcissists can increase their ability to use cognitive empathy. Some narcissists can then go on to develop emotional empathy. I have seen it happen in the same way under similar conditions:
The person they were empathizing with had the following characteristics:
Note: I am using the terms narcissist and NPD as shorthand for someone who qualifies for a full diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.
Example: Barry and His Brother’s Beatings
One of my clients with the exhibitionist form of NPD had a very rough childhood . Barry and his older brother Benny were raised by a single mother who held down two jobs. Benny resented being made responsible for Barry and bullied him unmercifully. The bullying switched to beatings. As soon as Barry was old enough, he fought back. The fighting escalated until his brother almost killed him. Benny had him pinned against the stove and was banging his head against the metal grates. Barry survived but was left with physical and emotional scars.
One day Barry was chatting with John, a young man who worked for him. John mentioned he hated his brother. When Barry asked why, John talked about being bullied and beaten by his brother as a child, and how he felt safer at school than at home.
Barry felt a welling up of genuine sympathy for what John had gone through. In his next session he was quite pleased to report that he had felt safe enough with John, and the situation was close enough to what he had experienced, that he actually felt emotional empathy for him.
Summary of 10 Steps to Emotional Empathy
Example: Summary of Jon’s Work
Jon is a 45-year-old exhibitionist narcissist who has been divorced twice for cheating and lying , being wildly unempathic, and always needing to be the center of attention .
Many people with narcissistic personality disorder can develop more cognitive and emotional empathy than previously supposed. The path to developing empathy basically involves the therapist picking up where the narcissist’s caregivers left off, starting with enhancing cognitive empathy until it is automatic, and being on the alert for small signs that the client might be ready to develop emotional empathy as well.
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Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., is a Gestalt therapy trainer who specializes in teaching the diagnosis and treatment of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid adaptations.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.