How to Start Changing What’s Not Working
To move toward change, choose one thing you’re ready to do differently.
Posted April 16, 2026 | Reviewed by Margaret Foley
If you’re like most people, you’ve tried at one point or another to change your behaviour, likely with varying degrees of success. Maybe you set out to reduce your screen time , and it worked for a week or two before you found yourself scrolling late into the night again. Or you decided to drink more water, only to forget as soon as your days got busier. Or perhaps you wanted to stick to a budget, but the moment something caught your eye, you felt that plan start to slip.
We know change is hard and that it doesn’t just happen because we want it badly enough. In a previous post , we explored why it can feel so difficult and why getting curious about your relationship with it is a great place to start.
Before we think about where change may be needed and how to approach it, my gentle invitation is to acknowledge that every habit, coping pattern, and way of moving through the world you’ve developed has served a purpose. Every behaviour, even the ones you’re ready to leave behind, has met a need at some point. Some are adaptive and move us closer to our goals, while other behaviours are maladaptive and move us further away. There’s no place for judgment or shame here. We know that doesn’t change behaviour. Yet there’s a tension that can begin to grow between where we are and where we want to go, and who we are and who we want to become when we notice that our current patterns and behaviours no longer support the life we’re trying to build.
Start With Honest Self-Awareness
People often intuitively know what’s holding them back and keeping them out of alignment with their values. Lasting change tends to begin when we turn inward and listen closely to the part of us that knows. After all, we are our own best experts.
If you’re being honest with yourself, what is one behaviour that, if you stopped or started doing it, would make a real difference in your life? What would create some spaciousness for the growth and alignment you're looking for? Where would you get the best return on your time, energy, and effort invested? Or what is a "no" you are scared to say, but you know will make a positive impact?
I invite you to keep that one behaviour, habit, or pattern top of mind as we look at some key building blocks of behaviour change and how we can begin to bridge the gap between knowing and doing.
Building Blocks of Behaviour Change
Something remarkable about the human condition is our capacity to change, grow, and adapt. We can integrate new knowledge and ways of being, learn and unlearn, and build new patterns that keep us aligned with our values and support what we’re working toward.
Sometimes our future self can feel a little bit like a stranger. The work of behaviour change is, in part, the work of befriending that person and making them feel a little less like someone far away and a little more like someone worth showing up for. When we do that, we set ourselves up not just for today, but for the life we’re trying to build.
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Robyne Hanley-Dafoe, Ed.D. , is a multi-award-winning author, resiliency scholar, and speaker. She is the author of the award-winning Calm Within the Storm and Stress Wisely .
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.