How to Reach a Child Who Rejects You After Divorce

Why your children pull away or turn against you and how to rebuild connection.

Posted October 31, 2025 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

Daniel tells me his wife has turned their children against him, blaming him for the divorce . Maggie tells me that her children refuse to see her, talk to her, or even respond to text messages. Poppy, who is only 12, says she wants nothing to do with her father and is prepared to starve herself until the judge changes the custody arrangement.

These situations are all too common in divorce and heartbreaking to witness. The rejected parent feels helpless, anguished, and desperate. The child often feels abandoned, enraged, confused, and overwhelmed.

Why do children sometimes reject a parent? It’s complicated.

The good news is that the rejection often can soften, although this can take time. This happens when the parents end their conflict and find ways to communicate respectfully. The rejected parent stays patient, loving, empathic , calm, and consistent while the child feels safe expressing their emotions. Family therapy can help to rebuild trust.

Daniel and Maggie each grieve the rejection by their children and seek advice. We talk about how to keep the door open to their children, without forcing them to come through it.

What can the rejected parent do when this happens?

These are traps that will almost certainly undermine your efforts to reconnect. All of these make your child feel controlled and/or unsafe. They never work.

The reconciliation or reconnection may take months or years.

The keys are patience and consistency. If your child is open to reconnecting, go slow and keep it safe.

Poppy ultimately sought a relationship with her father after she finished high school. She blamed her mother for turning her against her father, and while she remained in contact with her mother, she kept strict boundaries when her mother began to talk about the divorce.

Daniel eventually reconnected with his children after he remarried and moved to another state. He describes his relationship with his children as cool, and continues to blame his ex-wife for the disruption. He tries to avoid defending himself to his children and notices that “they withdraw when I go down that road.”

Maggie reconnected with her daughter when the daughter married and had a baby, but has only superficial contact with her son. “My daughter and I had a few sessions of therapy, and that really helped to clear the air. I hope my son will agree to this someday, too. I will always keep that door wide open for him.”

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Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. , is the author of The Parent's Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce.

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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.