How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Separation or Divorce

10 tips to help you organize and prepare yourself for a difficult conversation.

Posted August 29, 2019 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

How do you prepare to tell your spouse that you want a separation or divorce ? It will likely be one of the most difficult and painful conversations you will ever have—even if you’re both aware that your marriage has been vulnerable for some time.

You (and your spouse) will probably remember this conversation for the rest of your life. If you do divorce, how you have this conversation will set the tone for the legal process that will follow.

Here are some important tips to help you organize your thoughts and prepare yourself emotionally.

Once you have shared your decision with your spouse, you will need to talk about how to tell your family and children (if you have children). Before you do so and if your spouse agrees to wait, take some time for yourself to metabolize what just happened.

One of my clients told her husband that she wanted a separation. She told him this in my office because she was afraid of his reaction. After telling him, she ran out of the office and vomited in the restroom. It is extremely upsetting to give this news, almost as upsetting as receiving it. So take a few days or longer to get support from friends or family, see your therapist, and do some self-care so that you can face the next difficult and painful steps.

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Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. , is the author of The Parent's Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce.

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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.