How Remembering Our Best Moments Makes Us Better People
Three simple principles that can help managers become kinder and more caring.
Posted May 2, 2026 | Reviewed by Margaret Foley
Many leaders I meet share the same aspiration: They want their managers to lead with warmth, caring, and kindness. It sounds obvious—who wouldn’t want that? But here’s the uncomfortable truth: Not all people are naturally warm. Some are analytical, some are task-driven, some are simply reserved. Telling them to “be more caring” is about as effective as telling someone to “be taller.”
So the question becomes practical: Can you help managers, people, become more caring without trying to change who they are?
In my work leading a business with 25 managers, I’ve found that the answer is yes—but not by preaching values. Instead, we train attention .
Start With What Already Exists
Rather than asking managers to become different people, we ask them to notice something they already do—but rarely focus on.
In our management meetings, each manager is asked to share a real story: a moment in which they acted with kindness. It can be small. Helping an employee through a tough day. Being patient when someone made a mistake. Taking time to listen instead of rushing to solve.
Whatever the story, we pause—and we applaud it.
Not because it’s extraordinary, but because it’s intentional. The applause reinforces a simple idea: this behavior matters here.
Over time, something subtle shifts. Managers begin to look for these moments in their daily work—because they know they’ll be asked about them. And what we look for, we tend to do more of.
Remember What It Feels Like to Be Cared For
We also flip the lens.
Managers are asked to recall moments in their own lives when they were on the receiving end of kindness. A boss who supported them. A colleague who stepped in. A teacher who believed in them.
Then we ask a simple question: How did that feel?
The answers are remarkably consistent. People describe feeling seen, valued, calmer, more motivated. They remember those moments vividly—even years later.
And once you feel the value of something, you’re far more likely to give it to others.
Reframing: You May Be Kinder Than You Think
Another powerful exercise is reframing.
Some managers insist, “I’m just not that kind of person.” But when we examine real situations from their work, a different picture often emerges.
A manager who pushed an employee to improve may, on reflection, recognize that their intent was to help that employee succeed and that they truly believed they could. They were actually caring for that employee, helping him to grow. Kindness isn’t always soft or obvious. Sometimes it shows up as patience, consistency, or even holding someone accountable.
This reframing matters. Because once people see themselves as capable of care, they’re more likely to act accordingly.
Small Shifts, Real Change
These techniques don’t transform personalities overnight. A naturally blunt manager won’t suddenly become warm and expressive. That’s not the goal.
The goal is direction, not perfection.
Over time, each manager becomes a slightly better version of themselves—more aware, more intentional, more capable of small acts of care. And those small shifts accumulate.
What’s been most encouraging is what happened next: Managers began using the same techniques with their own teams. They asked employees to share moments of kindness. They created space to reflect on feeling supported. They started to notice and reinforce caring behaviors.
The culture didn’t change because of a policy. It changed because attention changed.
Becoming Our Better Selves
We often think of kindness as a personality trait—you either have it or you don’t. But in practice, kindness and caring for others are things that we can each improve.
That’s the real opportunity for everyone: not to demand of ourselves to become someone else, but rather to help ourselves and others become more of who we already are at our best.
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Gil Winch, Ph.D. , is the author of Winning with Underdogs, the founder of Call Yachol, which works with severely disabled individuals, and a top 100 influencer in the Israeli economy, according to the publication The Marker.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.