How Narcissists Really Feel About Themselves
Maybe narcissism has some redeeming qualities, suggests new research.
Updated June 3, 2026 | Reviewed by Tyler Woods
When you’re with a narcissist, it definitely can feel bad. The truly grandiose, or highly egotistical, can lead you to draw negative comparisons with yourself. These people seem self-confident to the point of never seeming to have doubts about themselves. You, on the other hand, know all too well what your own flaws are and how much they limit your ability to experience happiness .
Catherine is just such an individual. She is the life of every party, attracting people to her with her apparent wit, charm, and poise. Yet, those who know her well have been burned by her lack of interest in their welfare, to the point of feeling belittled and exploited.
The Paradox of the Happy Narcissist
There are reasons to expect narcissists to be the least happy people on earth. Theories of narcissism distinguish between the grandiose variety, who seem to live in a world of unending self-confidence , and the vulnerable type, whose very existence rides on receiving approval from others. Some argue that underneath the shell of the grandiose narcissist’s extreme sense of superiority is a weak and wobbly true sense of self.
Theories give way to empiricism when researchers try to draw connections between both types of narcissism and well-being. The latest entry into this debate comes from University of Southampton’s Constantine Sedikides and colleagues (2026), who sought to “make novel theoretical contributions to understanding the subjective benefits of narcissism” (p. 1222). In doing so, they decided to treat grandiose and vulnerable narcissism as separate entities.
The key to understanding the grandiose narcissist’s potentially higher well-being lies in the combination of self-esteem and cultural beliefs in individualism. Although grandiose narcissists can be antagonistic as well as entitled, they stand out as high on many qualities that should be related to feelings of well-being. These include optimism , intelligence , creativity , and vision. To maintain their inflated self-views, furthermore, they use “ assertive self-promotion.” Blessed by a lack of “inner turmoil,” they are also high on “agentic” tendencies, in which they seek to exercise their influence on others.
The vulnerable narcissist, in contrast, are high on inner turbulence. They can feel ashamed and envious , and they don’t play nicely with others (“negative socioemotional orientation,” to put it more formally). Underneath all of these is a self-esteem that falls at the very lowest of the spectrum.
It may seem odd to theorize that a grandiose narcissist could be so self-content and happy. Catherine will go on the attack whenever someone crosses her or tries to one-up her in seeking success. You might think that the bursting of her bubble would shatter her self-esteem. Yet, according to the U. Southampton team, this doesn’t happen. People like Catherine live by the mantra of "deflect, deflect, deflect."
Testing Narcissism’s Link to Happiness
With a storehouse of 100 previous studies on over 52,000 people, Sedikides et al. were able to conduct a meta-analysis in which they pulled together the “effect sizes” (degree of relationship) contrasting grandiose and vulnerable narcissisms’ correlation with well-being. Based on the idea that a culture’s emphasis on individualism could affect these correlations, the authors tested the idea of “person-culture fit.” In a highly individualistic culture, in other words, the grandiose narcissist should be on the top of the happiness scale.
Culling together the statistics from this comprehensive set of studies, the U. Southampton found evidence that yes, the grandiose narcissist will be happiest in an individualistic culture. However, apart from person-culture fit, grandiose narcissists still came out pretty well on the happiness measure. The same was not true for vulnerable narcissists. Regardless of person-culture fit, they remained low in well-being, primarily due to their low self-esteem.
In interpreting these findings, the authors raise some intriguing questions about how grandiose narcissists pull off their high self-esteem. Think about Catherine again, who doesn’t exactly endear herself to the people around her. As the authors point out, narcissists have a number of decidedly unendearing interpersonal qualities. They can be bullies, violent, aggressive, status-oriented, alienating, and reckless. As a “source of trouble for others,” how can they be so happy? (p. 1232).
The answer, they propose, lies in distorted interpretations that narcissists make of the way others think and feel about them. They simply don’t let any negative feedback penetrate through what appears to be, returning to the shell metaphor, an impenetrable outer sphere around their sense of self. Moreover, if they live in individualistic cultures, they seek other people who are like them, and together, build an even stronger set of picket fences around their weaknesses.
Vulnerable narcissists go to the opposite extreme. A potential contributor to their misery is the trait of neuroticism . Because “neuroticism is neither valued nor devalued more in cultures high (vs. low) on individualism,” there were no person-culture relationships for vulnerable narcissism scores.
They May Be Happy, but Are They Better Off?
With their inflated sense of self-worth that is only reinforced in countries and cultures that value individualism, it would seem that narcissists ride high through life, even when life doesn’t hand them everything they want. However, is happiness the only measure of well-being?
As people experience life’s twists and turns, there’s more to development and adaptation than feeling like you’re on top of the world. Rejection, in particular, is one such twist that can- and often should- lead you to wonder about yourself. People who are unable to learn from their setbacks may be “happier” in the sense of not admitting to them, but will they grow from them? As suggested by the U. Southampton study, the answer is probably “no.”
Conversely, thinking about the vulnerable narcissist, the opposite set of processes are set in motion by failure. Confirming their lack of self-worth, people high on vulnerable narcissism may also fail to gain valuable feedback about themselves that could help bolster their ability to deal with future stressors.
To sum up, being happy isn’t all there is to well-being, especially if your personality prevents you from adapting to life’s exigencies. A realistic sense of self-worth is will guide you to greater fulfillment.
Facebook image: PerfectWave/Shutterstock
Sedikides, C., Tang, Y., Liu, Y., de Boer, E., Assink, M., Thomaes, S., & Brummelman, E. (2026). Narcissism and wellbeing: A cross-cultural meta-analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , 52 (5), 1222–1238. https://doi.org/10.1177/01461672241307531
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Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. , is a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her latest book is The Search for Fulfillment.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.