How Money Choices After Divorce Shape Your Child’s Outlook
What kids learn from how divorced parents talk about and handle money.
Posted April 27, 2026 | Reviewed by Devon Frye
Giving my children the life I never had because nobody taught me about money has made the road to where I am today and where I want to go much harder. As a once- divorced mom of four (now remarried), who was left with not even enough money to buy myself a chai tea after my then-husband emptied our bank accounts, I’ve struggled on many occasions along the way.
But those struggles didn’t come without money lessons, especially in how my relationship with money shaped my children—who were young at the time, but still old enough to pick up on the situation I found myself in. In my work as a family law attorney (I returned to work shortly after the chai tea incident, following time away from my career as a stay-at-home mom), I am not surprised by this at all.
Divorce details vary, but one aspect of them is usually consistent: People’s financial status changes. Of course, there are degrees to these changes, and some situations are more dire than others. Still, money is highly emotional, and how you as parents relate to it informs your children’s sense of safety today and well into their future. Here’s how you impact your kids with your money choices.
You Teach Your Children What Financial Stability Feels Like
People often think that wealth equates to stability—that if you just had a certain amount of money, you would feel financially set. Nothing could be further from the truth. The reality is that if you are spending more than you have coming in, even if what you have coming in is substantial, and must dip into your savings (if you have any) or turn to credit cards to make ends meet, you’re not going to feel the sense of security that money can bring.
When children, despite living in the warmth and comfort of the home you’ve created for them, watch you sit hunched over and stressed out at the kitchen table, month after month, trying to figure out which bills to pay, they get a mixed message about what financial stability looks like. Meaning, the material possessions you work so hard for can actually create the opposite of financial stability and, instead, signal a loss of control, if you’re not careful.
You Influence Expectations for Adulthood and Independence
While this is actually an important perspective for children to gain—that materialism doesn’t necessarily equal financial stability and appearances aren’t always what they seem—it stands in sharp contrast to the household living on less and within their means. This is the household with a monthly budget and bills paid in full and on time. The household where, even if there’s a monthly deficit, there’s a plan in place to close the gap.
Such an environment communicates another important message to children. And that is, no matter the situation, that with financial planning, there can be a way through. Also, money, when managed smartly, is one of the tools for eventually living the life you want .
You Signal How Safe and Predictable the Home Environment Is
When a divorced parent is consumed with anxiety about money, even if they’re not communicating it directly to their children (yes, many parents do this, too), kids still often get the message loud and clear: The household is not a safe or predictable one .
Yes, children should be aware that it costs money to live, learn not to be wasteful, and appreciate what they have. That being said, they don’t need to live through a parent’s every worry or fear .
You Model Financial Habits
You don’t need to look hard to find examples of celebrities, sports figures, lottery winners, or a neighbor to find those with a great deal of money who lived above their means, and either squandered that fortune or sweated it out every month for a while until they got their budget under control.
Whichever the situation, each is a cautionary tale that makes for a stressful existence, including for the children who must live in such an environment. The lesson that usually emerges is that spending is “bad.” But that’s not the complete message. Spending, when done strategically and responsibly, can be empowering. As divorced parents, your money habits should reflect this potential as well.
You Shape Confidence and Comfort Around Spending and Saving
Often, when a divorced parent has faced financial worries but worked their way out of them, they develop a discomfort around spending money as a result. Or when they treat themselves, they regret it afterward.
What this can do to children who witness such behavior is cause them discomfort around their own spending. They may, as teenagers and into adulthood , want to save almost exclusively to provide themselves with the security they craved in childhood .
Effectively, their childhood emotions now dictate the confidence and comfort they have around money, but to the other extreme. They’re not spending too much; they're saving to the point where they are unable to enjoy the benefits, possibilities, and freedom money can bring.
Living in extremes is never the goal for a divorced parent or their children. The best way to prevent that from happening is for divorced parents to reflect on their relationship with money, just as they have (hopefully) reflected on the relationship they had with their spouse , especially the parts that led them to divorce.
Like any relationship in life, the one you have with money affects how you make decisions, how you care for others, and how stable the world feels to you and those around you. Which is all the more reason to consider the true value of what you're teaching your kids. And reinforcing for yourself.
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Elise Buie, Esq., is a Seattle-based family law attorney and founder of Elise Buie Family Law Group, a law firm devoted to divorce, family law, and estate planning.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.