How Do Couples Really Deal With Money Behind the Scenes?
What research about money reveals about power and transparency in relationships.
Posted May 6, 2026 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Marie found herself at a crossroads. She had just turned 60, and her husband of more than 30 years was asking for a divorce . For years, they had prioritized Paul’s job while she had taken on the brunt of the domestic sphere. He went to work every day in finance while she looked after their three kids and took care of the house. She worked part-time jobs here and there, but the emphasis was always on prioritizing his career first.
She thought about all of their joint accounts, and the fact that she had no money she could set aside for herself, even if she wanted to. To be completely honest, she did not even have the full financial picture of their assets, as it was something Paul had always managed. She knew they had a house and an investment property, as well as retirement accounts. But if someone were to ask her what kind of accounts or even how to access them, she would not have the first idea. Now she was worried that she might be left out in the cold when it came to the divorce, as she had seen happen to a few of her friends. She wondered how she would even afford her own divorce lawyer.
Marie’s story is not unique. In marriages and partnerships all over the country and the world, money plays a major role in relationships. When partners are on the same page about money and able to communicate with transparency and respect, their relationship tends to be stronger for it. But the opposite is also true: A lack of transparency can have devastating effects on a partnership.
Research on money and marriage between men and women brings up several key themes, including financial management , conflict, power dynamics, and gender norms. In many heterosexual marriages, how money is handled can contribute to unequal power dynamics within the marriage. As in Marie’s story above, the spouse who earns more may wield greater decision-making power or feel that they should have more say in the family finances because they earn more. Men are often socialized to manage finances or assert dominance in financial decisions, while women may feel pressured to defer control (Betrand and colleagues, 2015).
Unsurprisingly, such inequities can have impacts on the health of the marriage. In one research study, patterns of money management were shown to have an impact in terms of inequalities in living standards and access to personal spending money ( Vogler and Paul, 1994). For example, if women do not feel entitled to spend as much money because their husbands make more or control the money in their everyday life, this may affect their daily quality of life as compared to their spouses.
For couples wanting to actively build a healthier relationship with their finances as a couple, there is good news. Studies that look at the connection between financial transparency and trust show that open communication about money and financial transparency is typically correlated with higher relationship satisfaction ( Dew and Stewart, 2012; Saxey and colleagues, 2022) . In other words, couples who regularly discuss financial goals , budgeting, and spending tend to have more trust and fewer conflicts about money.
Some studies indicate that younger generations are more intentional about seeking greater flexibility and egalitarianism in managing these dynamics. One research article found that younger couples favored partial or independent pooling of finances (Burgoyne and colleagues, 2006). In other words, younger couples preferred to maintain their money independently or have some shared resources. But they preferred not to completely join their finances, as has often been the case in older generations. These setups were found to foster both autonomy and shared responsibility as well as personal and collective goals. Fully pooled systems of money, at times, were found to maintain a façade of equality while covering up power imbalances, especially in couples where there are large disparities in income (Vogler and colleagues, 2006).
One article further explored how younger couples instead opted for “mixed systems,” where some finances were shared, and some were independent. This allows couples to individually maintain some financial autonomy in the relationship while still working together as a financial unit. Research supports that maintaining some financial autonomy while in marriage is healthy and can increase both financial satisfaction and gender equality over time (De Henau and Himmelweit, 2013).
Studies that look at queer couples show overall less adherence to traditional gender roles. Some studies have suggested that queer couples divide labor and finances more equally than heterosexual couples. One queer woman explores this idea: “We have straight friends who never really talk about [money] until they suddenly need to fight about it, and that just wasn’t a pattern that we wanted to participate in. I don’t know if it’s because we’re gay and there are no societal expectations for either of us to be the breadwinner, but we seem to have a much easier time discussing our finances than our straight friends ( Abdou, 2022).”
Queer couples may feel more freedom in building a framework for navigating their finances that works for them. In a sense, when the road is uncharted, queer couples get to build their own path together. There can be power in stepping off the beaten path and creating a financial future based on a couple’s values and desires for their own life. Although there tends to be more egalitarian power dynamics with queer couples overall, there can still be income disparities that influence power dynamics (Hall and colleagues, 2017 ). For example, one person might be a higher earner, which can influence the power in financial decision-making in the relationship. Similarly to heterosexual relationships, this can create a power imbalance where one person feels more entitled to have power over how and when money is spent.
With all couples, addressing income disparities with open communication and equitable financial practices is key to fostering balance and avoiding power imbalances. One helpful place to start may be reflecting on your values around money as a couple. For example, do you value financial stability? Family? Education and knowledge? Travel and curiosity? Being on the same page with your financial values can allow you both to build a system that works for you and reflects those values.
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Courtney Crisp, Psy.D., teaches at Pepperdine University and researches and writes about financial psychology and multicultural psychology.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.