Some Hard Truths About "Soft-Swinging" Relationships
It's also known as 'soft-swapping,' and here's how it works.
Posted September 29, 2025 | Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano
You could say that the upcoming star of The Bachelorette , Taylor Frankie Paul, came out swinging in 2022—soft-swinging, specifically. That's when Paul revealed on TikTok that she and her husband at the time, Tate, had been "soft-swinging" in Utah with other Mormon couples.
She subsequently starred in the Hulu reality show The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives , in which she didn't keep secret the impact of her soft-swinging revelation. And in September 2025, ABC has announced, Paul will be the bachelorette a bunch of bachelors will vie for in the next season of The Bachelorette.
What Is Soft-Swinging?
"Soft-swinging" may not be a term you hear or use every day—unless, of course, you are already swinging in that direction. In this case, it doesn't mean riding on a playground swing that has a fluffy seat cushion on it. No, when a couple in a committed relationship "swings," they allow each other to engage sexually with others outside the relationship, usually for fun. "Swinging" in this manner basically means that the relationship is non-monogamous or polyamorous . It's also known as "swapping" or "partner swapping" because that's essentially what you do.
Adding "soft" in front of "swinging" or "swapping" means that you've imposed some boundaries as to how far each of you can go with others. Since there are no master guidelines set by some soft-swinging governing body, the boundaries depend on where the couple agrees to set them. A common boundary with soft-swinging is not allowing any sexual intercourse or penetration with others. but the line could be stricter.
Why Couples Soft-Swing
The main argument used for any kind of swinging is that sex can be done as a recreational activity without emotional attachment , sort of like how you can play pickleball without falling in love with everyone else on the court. This would entail very strict compartmentalizing of sex for pure pleasure versus sex for connection.
Another claim is that swinging can benefit a committed relationship by offering more variety to combat boredom and release pent-up frustrations and desires. Some have suggested that trying on other people for sex will help a couple better appreciate each other, sort of like how eating gas-station sushi will help you value the restaurant stuff more. Then there are those who might enjoy seeing their partners enjoy themselves with others.
Soft-swinging, in theory, offers all of the above but may be more fitting for people who are not comfortable with their partners completely swinging for the fences, so to speak. The thought is that putting limits on how far each can go might reduce the risks of swinging, such as the possibility that the recreational activity becomes something more. It also might offer the couple a feeling of more exclusivity, that they are saving certain deeper acts for just each other.
How Accepted Is Soft-Swinging?
Ask what people think of swinging and you could get very strong reactions ranging from claims that humans are not meant to be monogamous to the insistence that swinging is immoral. The soft versions of swinging might bring additional arguments over where to set the boundaries and how arbitrary and hypocritically splitting hairs any given boundary might be.
Studies have suggested that around 4 percent of adults in the U.S. are swingers in some way. There doesn't seem to be data on how many are soft-swingers. Regardless of how acceptable swinging is around you, for any swinging to not swing the wrong way, everyone involved should have the same expectations and understanding.
Additionally, there can be big differences between what people say are their preferences and what they really think and feel. Moreover, thoughts, opinions, and feelings can change when a person gets into the full swing of things. It's important that participants know in advance how to deal with risks that might arise.
The Risks of Soft-Swinging
The biggest risk is eroding any trust between existing partners. It can be very difficult for people to compartmentalize sex with different people in such a rigid manner and not inadvertently develop feelings for someone. At the same time, it's natural to wonder what's really going on when your partner is intertwined with another person. All of this can raise feelings of insecurity, jealousy , suspicion, and resentment—stuff that's poison to a relationship.
Another risk with soft-swinging specifically is disagreement over what the boundaries should be and whether they've been crossed. Unless you've got some kind of complex camera, sensor, and instant replay system set up, it can be difficult to track and confirm what really happened. Heck, two people in the same bed together may not even agree on what actually happened.
There are legit health risks, too. Other people could bring sexually transmitted infections (as well as their own emotional and social baggage) into the situation. And what happens if one of them gets attached to you or your partner? What if one of their partners gets upset with you?
Before swinging in the direction of swinging, carefully consider all the possible consequences. Have a frank and open discussion with your partner and anyone else involved. If you soft-pedal any of the risks, soft-swinging could swing in the wrong direction very quickly.
Facebook image: Impact Photography/Shutterstock
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Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A., is a writer, journalist, professor, systems modeler, computational and digital health expert, physician, avocado-eater, and entrepreneur, not always in that order.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.