Growing Up Parentified Can Affect Your Relationships
A parentified childhood can set you up to emotionally overdo a relationship.
Updated November 26, 2025 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Though sung in her typical tongue-in-cheek style, Sabrina Carpenter’s new hit song ‘Manchild’ is revealing—and not in the way you might think. At one point, she insists that she isn’t choosing these emotionally inept men—they choose her. While the song is funny and upbeat, there’s something else there that’s being articulated. The need for control, order, and a sense of helplessness when you find yourself with the same type of partner over and over again is something many of us can relate to. When you think back to your childhood , do you remember being told that you were ‘mature for your age’ or ‘an old soul’? If so, you were likely doing some kind of emotional caretaking before a developmentally appropriate age.
Now think about the present day. Are the partners you’ve been with people who tend to look towards you for guidance? Do you tend to be the one who organizes social events, takes care of day-to-day tasks, or otherwise orchestrates things in your relationship? Is this by choice, a sense of obligation, or something else (if I don’t do it, no one else will)? If you grew up parentified , what does the role you played in childhood say about your choice of partner?
The way we grew up often has an influence on how we experience romantic relationships . For example, Tolmacz and colleagues (2023) found that women who grew up parentified report feeling less satisfied in their relationships with their partners, with their emotional needs not being met. Part of the reasoning for this relates to participants’ struggles in these relationships, asking for what they need and communicating their feelings in general. Additionally, parentified adults tend to be caregivers in ways that can be maladaptive, like throwing themselves completely into a pathological caretaking role with their partner. This involves not considering their partner’s needs, but rather, unconsciously trying to fulfill their need to be loved and valued through their relationship, which can set up unrealistic relational expectations.
Addressing this Pattern
The first step in addressing any pattern is to work on noticing it more in your everyday life. When do you notice this dynamic start to emerge for you? Is it more prevalent in certain circumstances, such as when a partner is sick or under stress , or does it feel like your default setting regardless of what’s going on? This kind of self-awareness is key in not only addressing this pattern with your partner but also in holding yourself accountable to ask for what you need and take care of yourself better. If these changes feel like you’re preparing to climb an emotional mountain, you’re on the right track. Remember, learning these different ways of interacting is a skill, and as with any new skill, practice makes progress. Treat yourself with kindness first and foremost, because no matter what you went through in childhood, you deserve love.
Tolmacz, R., Hasson, S., Cohen, M., & Mikulincer, M. (2025). P arentification and satisfaction of psychological needs in romantic relationships : The mediating role of relational attitudes. Family Relations, 74 (1), 308-322.
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Lauren Dennelly, Ph.D., LCSW, has a Ph.D. in social work and social research and is a practicing clinical social worker.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.