Grief Without Closure Still Needs Tending
Creating ritual for the loss that doesn’t end.
Posted May 25, 2026 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
As I wrote in a prior post, some losses don’t have a neat, clean ending. Or any real ending at all. This kind of loss, called “ambiguous loss,” is deeply challenging for us psychologically because our ability to make meaning is blocked. Our attachment to that person remains activated, even as the relationship itself no longer exists in the way it was.
Part of why ambiguous losses are so challenging is because they have no ritual associated with them. Often there’s no real endpoint, and there’s little, if any, societal recognition. When you lose a loved one to addiction , ghosting , estrangement, dementia , divorce , or they go missing, the person is not dead (that we know of) but the relationship as it was is gone. Research is clear: the psychological and emotional stress from ambiguous loss can be tremendous and difficult to move forward from; and yet, it goes unacknowledged. There is tremendous loss and grief , but there’s no container for it. As a result, these losses can cause chronic stress, rumination, and identity disruption.
It can be tremendously helpful, then, for someone suffering from this kind of loss to create a ritual for themselves: a ritual can provide a way to process the complex, difficult feelings, as well as create a pathway for moving forward. Rituals provide a mirror for internal states that are difficult to speak about, mark a transition (without requiring resolution), can hold contradiction (both love and loss), and, importantly, restore agency in the midst of so much powerlessness. Ritual, in other words, helps with grieving .
Constructing a Ritual for Ambiguous Loss
Below is my suggested four-part outline for a ritual for an ambiguous loss. If you decide to use it, feel free to modify it in any way you might need, and/or add things from your own spiritual or religious tradition or with therapeutic input.
Part 1: Acknowledge the Death of What Was
The first part is about naming the loss and allowing for the grief. This is where you name what has ended: the relationship you had, the person (or the person as they used to be), the imagined future with that person, and any general beliefs you may have carried. In ambiguous loss, we lose not only the person and the relationship we had, but we often lose ideas such as permanence, control, an imagined future, and mutuality. We lose the belief if we loved enough, or tried hard enough, all would turn out OK. We lose a story of growing old with someone or watching them grow through life.
Action : In this part of the ritual, acknowledge all that’s been lost and create a symbolic release of this loss—burn a ritual object, or throw away or destroy something that is symbolic of what has been lost. The object could be a photograph, letter, item of clothing, etc.
Part 2: Acknowledge the Reality of What Is
In the second part of the ritual, we are integrating what remains in a new form. What remains can be love, memories, identity, etc. The relationship that was there will still continue internally and symbolically.
Action : In this part of the ritual, you might write a letter that reflects the current reality, or create a picture or object that symbolizes what is still here and still growing. You can also take a cherished object and remake it or place it somewhere new and symbolic. You can read a poem about love and its endurance beyond relationship and time.
Part 3: Acknowledge the Limits of Control
In the third part of the ritual, we accept our powerlessness to determine another’s choices or future. We are acknowledging the illusions we have of control over life and others. It’s not that we’re resigning ourselves to whatever happens, it’s that we are gaining clarity that life happens and must accept it. There are greater forces at work and we must surrender to them.
Action : In this part of the ritual, we may lie on our backs with our palms up, or bow down or bow our heads. We are physically gesturing surrender and acceptance. We can also write something about how we are turning the future over to a power or powers greater than ourselves since we cannot control it.
Part 4: Acknowledging Impermanence and Growth
In the fourth part of the ritual, we expand outward to the bigger lessons learned. Every relationship gifts us lessons and ways we grow and understand ourselves and life in a deeper way. Additionally, we acknowledge that life and relationships aren’t fixed. While we all know this intellectually, ambiguous loss forces us to live inside of that reality. In this part of the ritual we integrate this reality. What also remains is a new you, a person who has learned and grown.
Action : This is where we mark how we have become someone new, and, importantly, in spite of this being an incredibly painful experience, we also name the gifts we have received from this experience. In this part of the ritual, we gift ourselves something symbolic that holds us, comforts us, and is beautiful to look at. Now that we have a new, deeper understanding of impermanence we commemorate this new learning through this gift.
This ritual can be used for any ambiguous loss—from family members of estranged and/or addicted individuals, to abruptly terminated relationships, to family members of those suffering from dementia, or people whose family member has gone missing. It can be done individually, with other affected people, or with therapeutic support. The goal of this ritual is not closure, as there isn’t any. The goal is integration. The ritual provides structure and a place for grief to be processed. It also provides a place to acknowledge and honor the growth and transformation that can happen in the midst of pain.
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Samantha Stein , Psy.D., is a psychologist in private practice in San Francisco. She works with couples and individuals, specializing in intimacy, sexuality, and self-realization.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.