Five Psychology Lessons That Will Curtail Your Anxiety
Decades of research reveal why others frustrate, enrage, and confuse us.
Posted May 20, 2026 | Reviewed by Davia Sills
We all grapple with the reality that some things about life cannot change. That doesn’t mean we must accept inappropriate behavior or tolerate narcissism . Understanding certain behaviors is essential for our well-being and for avoiding feelings of guilt or inadequacy when we see the world differently from those around us.
Forty years of psychology research have taught me many things, but none more than these five factors. Each explanation is broadly supported by decades of empirical evidence, and understanding the inevitability reduces the potential for personal anxiety and frustration.
Why are some people deliberately mean and rude?
Being mean is the deliberate intention to be hurtful. While some meanness stems from personality disorders or cultural differences, most mean behavior reflects personal dissatisfaction with oneself. Individuals with low self-esteem project their negative feelings onto others to feel better about themselves. Research confirms that workplace incivility decreases effort, increases turnover, lowers productivity , and inhibits performance (Pearson & Porath, 2005).
Lack of self-control also drives hurtful behavior. Sustained effort to manage inappropriate impulses gradually weakens without recovery time, eventually causing emotional outbursts that others perceive as rude or mean-spirited (Goldberg & Grandey, 2007). If you’ve ever experienced “the straw that broke the camel’s back,” you already understand this mechanism firsthand.
Why do some people always think they are right?
Some individuals offer confident, seemingly irrefutable opinions on virtually every subject—the classic “know-it-all.” In reality, expertise across multiple domains is nearly impossible to achieve. These “absolutist” thinkers (Buehl & Alexander, 2001) operate on a “my way or the highway” philosophy , passionately dismissing the ideas of others. Their rigidity stems from “myside bias ” (Stanovich & West, 2008), a bias that entails evaluating outcomes based on pre-existing opinions rather than actual evidence. Even when confronted with irrefutable facts, absolutists rarely concede, and any apparent change of mind tends to be short-lived.
Why do some people take pleasure in the anguish of others?
Schadenfreude is a German word meaning pleasure derived from others’ misfortune, and it is a neurologically real phenomenon. Brain imaging shows our pleasure centers activate when we feel superior, whether by winning a competition or believing we possess more than someone else (Dvash et al., 2010; Takahashi et al., 2009). Survey research suggests reality television thrives precisely on this dynamic (van Dijk et al., 2015) because we love to see others fail.
The most common explanation is that others’ misfortune reinforces our own positive self-image . We all need to feel competent and worthy, and seeing someone worse off satisfies that need (Taylor & Brown, 1988). This effect intensifies when misfortune befalls an outgroup, and is especially pronounced among individuals with lower self-esteem (Ouwerkerk et al., 2018).
Why do politics enrage people?
Political beliefs generate extraordinary passion because they are deeply tied to personal identity. When someone challenges our political views, it registers psychologically as a personal attack. Our beliefs, which are defined as convictions unsupported by scientific evidence, determine where we focus attention and what we accept as fact, steering us toward confirming information while dismissing contradictory evidence (Appiah et al., 2013).
A strong social identity allows individuals to affiliate with like-minded others, reinforcing shared values and satisfying the basic human need for belonging (Hogg et al., 2017). This is why political disagreement feels so threatening: it’s not just an argument about policy, it’s a challenge to who someone believes they are.
Why do people procrastinate?
Many people believe procrastination improves their work, claiming that deadline pressure sharpens focus. However, little scientific evidence supports the idea that deferring tasks produces better outcomes than steady, paced effort over time (Schraw et al., 2007).
The root cause of procrastination is self-doubt. When people fear their efforts won’t measure up, deferral becomes a protective strategy. Hoffman (2015) found that procrastination functions as a psychological mask designed to shift blame for failure away from ability and onto timing. If someone fails, they blame the delay rather than their own capability. If they succeed despite procrastinating, self-worth is boosted. Either way, self-esteem is largely protected, which is precisely why the habit persists.
Dealing with the frustration
The first step toward serenity is to understand why individuals behave negatively. It’s easier to avoid falling for someone’s bait when you acknowledge the underlying insecurity or self- defense mechanisms that haunt others. Avoiding frustration is about choosing where to focus your emotional energy, not about putting up with abuse or compromising your morals.
These acts are not a reflection of your value or judgment; rather, they are mostly about avoiding the unresolved inner conflicts of others. Remaining calm isn’t passive resignation; it’s an active, psychologically informed decision to protect your own well-being in the face of behavior you cannot control.
Appiah, O., Knobloch-Westerwick, S., & Alter, S. (2013). Ingroup favoritism and outgroup derogation: Effects of news valence, character race, and recipient race on selective news reading. Journal of Communication , 63 , 517–534. doi:10.1111/jcom.12032
Buehl, M. M., & Alexander, P. A. (2001). Beliefs about academic knowledge. Educational Psychology Review , 13 (4), 385-418.
Dvash, J., Gilam, G., Ben-Ze’ev, A., Hendler, T., & Shamay-Tsoory, S. G. (2010). The envious brain: The neural basis of social comparison. Human Brain Mapping , NA–NA. http://dx.doi.org/10.1002/hbm.20972 .
Goldberg, L. S., & Grandey, A. A. (2007). Display rules versus display autonomy: Emotion regulation, emotional exhaustion, and task performance in a call center simulation. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology , 12 , 301-318.
Hoffman, B. (2015). Motivation for learning and performance . San Diego, CA: Academic Press.
Hogg, M.A., Abrams, D., & Brewer, M.B. (2017). Social identity: The role of self in group processes and intergroup relations. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations , 20 (5), 570-581. doi:10.1177/1368430217690909.
Ouwerkerk, J. W., Van Dijk, W. W., Vonkeman, C. C., & Spears, R. (2018). When we enjoy bad news about other groups: A social identity approach to out-group schadenfreude. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations , 21 (1), 214-232.
Pearson, C. M., & Porath, C. L. (2005). On the nature, consequences and remedies of workplace incivility: No time for “nice”? Think again. Academy of Management Perspectives , 19 (1), 7-18.
Schraw, G., Wadkins, T., & Olafson, L. (2007). Doing the things we do: A grounded theory of academic procrastination. Journal of Educational Psychology , 99 (1), 12–25.
Stanovich, K. E., & West, R. F. (2008). On the relative independence of thinking biases and cognitive ability. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 94 (4), 672.
Takahashi, H., Kato, M., Matsuura, M., Mobbs, D., Suhara, T., & Okubo, Y. (2009). When your gain is my pain and your pain is my gain: neural correlates of envy and schadenfreude. Scienc e, 323 (5916), 937-939.
Taylor, S. E., & Brown, J. D. (1988). Illusion and well-being: a social psychological perspective on mental health. Psychological Bulletin , 103 (2), 193.
van Dijk, W. W., Ouwerkerk, J. W., Smith, R. H., & Cikara, M. (2017). The role of self-evaluation and envy in schadenfreude. In European Review of Social Psychology: Volume 26 (pp. 247-282). Routledge.
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Bobby Hoffman , Ph.D. , is an associate professor at the University of Central Florida.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.