Fighting Your Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors Is Why You’re Stuck
With repetitive behaviors, when control is the struggle, willingness becomes the solution.
Posted April 6, 2026 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
For many individuals living with body-focused repetitive behaviors (BFRBs) like trichotillomania (hair pulling) or excoriation (skin picking), life often feels like a constant struggle. Each morning begins with a vow that today will be the day the BFRB stops forever, only for them to find themselves locked once again in a grueling battle against an urge that feels far more powerful than their own resolve.
In clinical practice, we often see clients trapped in a punishing cycle of experiential avoidance. They seek help to "stop the behavior," viewing their internal urges as enemies that must be wrestled into submission. They operate under the exhausting belief that if they could only pull hard enough on the rope of willpower , they would finally win. But BFRBs thrive on the tension of that very struggle. What if the "win" isn’t found in pulling harder? What if the path to thriving begins the moment you stop the tug-of-war altogether?
This exercise, adapted from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), invites a radical shift in perspective, moving the goal from the impossible task of total control to the transformative power of willingness.
The Tug-of-War With Your BFRB Monster
Read through this script slowly. Allow yourself to imagine feeling the tension of the rope in your hands.
Imagine you’re standing in an open field, holding a rope.
At the other end of that rope is a monster.
This monster represents everything you’ve been fighting inside your BFRB—the urges, the sensations, the thoughts like “Why can’t I stop?”, the shame , the pressure to control it, the fear of what might happen if you don’t.
Let the image form. What does your BFRB monster look like?
Its size, shape, expression, and energy
Now, picture that between you and the monster is a deep pit.
You absolutely don’t want to get pulled into that pit.
The pit can represent whatever feels scary or unacceptable: losing control, visible damage, someone noticing, feeling ashamed, the behavior getting worse.
So here you are, in a tug-of-war with this monster.
It pulls… and you pull back.
You’re fighting hard not to get dragged into that pit.
This tugging might look familiar:
Trying to suppress urges
Trying to rely on willpower
Trying to hide the behavior
Trying to avoid triggers
Trying to “be stronger or try harder” than the sensations
It pulls back every time.
It doesn’t get tired.
If anything, the more you fight, the more forcefully it yanks the rope.
Notice what it feels like in your body to imagine this struggle.
The tension, the pressure, the frustration, the exhaustion.
This constant battle can feel endless.
Now, pause for a moment and imagine something different.
What would happen if you simply dropped the rope?
Not as giving up… but as stepping out of the fight.
Picture loosening your grip… letting the rope fall from your hands… and stepping back.
The monster is still there…
Your urges may still show up.
Your sensations may still buzz, or itch, or tingle.
The thoughts may still whisper.
But without you pulling on the rope,
The monster has nothing to drag you around with.
This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.