Few Things in Life Are Guaranteed
How to focus on what you can control.
Posted December 3, 2025 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
I set out to write about the impact that sudden unwanted changes can have on one’s perceptions of success, to argue that most circumstances in life are beyond our control, and, therefore, the best we can do is to adjust to this reality. However, upon reflection, I believe that what we can solidly assert to be true is greater, and emotionally more important, than what we cannot control. Therefore, identifying the difference between the two categories is vital for success in mastering consciousness: what you can assure versus events or decisions that you do not control. Your peace and wellness depend upon your ability to cultivate your sense of happiness , and you steer that ship when you accept that changes are a natural part of existence, even if it can seem, at times, like many of them are unwanted changes.
We live in a world in which everything is changing at different rates. Some unwanted events occur in a single moment; others unfold over time. Therefore, letting go of what we cannot control to focus deeply on our own impact, which is within our control, becomes fundamental for cultivating inner peace. Accepting that external changes are beyond our personal control allows us to believe that our best selves will guide us through any unwanted changes.
Resilience involves the belief that learning from an experience is a valid choice: “I did not want this change, but I learned how to face life with courage,” for example. Or, “I never thought my life would have this turn of events, but I want to survive it.”
Our part in our interpersonal history is a significant, complex interplay of relationships; certainly, we cannot exclude self-analysis. When we recognize where our sphere of control ends, we allow room to focus on the things we can guarantee to grow.
One example of within-human control includes the ability to appreciate what is going well in life, like good health or being involved in a community. This allows us to cultivate a mindset of gratitude : “I’m so grateful for the people who love me.” Our reality is dictated by our focus on thoughts like acceptance, appreciation, and gratitude. When we recognize the difference between what we control and the things that happen no matter what we want, we can achieve inner peace.
The decision to grow thoughts like acceptance distracts from ruminating on past, unwanted events. We have the choice of focus. We can only focus on one thought at a time. When we focus on fear , we become anxious . When we focus on revenge , we become angry. When we focus on regret, we feel ashamed. Focus on growth and acceptance is foundational to our success in achieving a positive self-awareness: “Just because this happened, doesn’t mean that I have failed.” Or, “ I don’t have to be perfect to be loved.”
Importantly, identifying and activating positive thoughts based on our commitment to what we can guarantee provides a sense of safety, which is a primary factor in achieving mental health: “I did not want this to happen, but I can accept that it is.” In this event, one develops the habit of gratitude and compassion for oneself.
Perhaps, the more we set our attention to what is unique or beautiful, the more enjoyment we receive from the experience of being alive. When we set our frame of mind to attach to what is beautiful and good—love and acceptance—we cultivate an inner peace that affects the community. Developing self-love involves a connection to what we believe to be good in ourselves. Self-love incorporates acceptance of what we cannot control, like death, betrayal, or illness. We can guarantee our own focus on love and forgiveness .
In these moments, we commit to our participation in humanity, acknowledging that humans are worthy of love. Mastering reality involves an acceptance of the circumstances before us. Let the world do what it will, and use the experience to become better at mastering life.
Naturally, striving to learn about our impact on situations to glean wisdom will be fundamental to elevating personal happiness. Perhaps all of our obstacles exist as lessons we only learn through experience. Our joys and our traumas become the most important elements of our existence: “Did you accept and still love?” “Did you grow from your life’s challenges?” “Are you building a fund of wisdom that you can share with your community?”
Developing a list of items that are within our ability to guarantee in life will include one’s dedication to providing love and care to others: “Did I allow an unwanted event to prevent me from living my best life?” “Did I get hurt and then retreat from others?” “Did I give up on my ability to love others?”
Additionally, we can demonstrate gratitude for the parts of our lives that are going well and forgive the parts of ourselves harboring guilt . We can guarantee a practice of self-love and self-care in which our awareness starts with our own sense of goodness, no matter our missteps. The first step in developing a peaceful mind is accepting that the things we guarantee in life far outweigh in emotional importance the events that are unwanted. Personal success is within grasp for any mind that builds upon the changing nature of the world to focus on inner peace.
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Jody Eyre, MS, LMFT, is a licensed couple and family therapist in Newport, Rhode Island.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.