Does It Make Sense to Take a Break Without Breaking Up?
Consider the consequences before hitting pause on passion.
Updated June 3, 2026 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Most adults have experienced a romantic breakup, at least once. Some breakups are decidedly final, such as dissolutions based on geographic undesirability or infidelity . Others are more ambiguous, reflecting uncertainty about the relationship's future. In the face of this dilemma, couples have to consider whether to throw in the towel or take a time out.
If you and your partner are considering taking a break instead of breaking up, ask yourselves what you are seeking to accomplish separately that you cannot work through together. After all, couples counseling is for couples, not singles. However, if a relationship is clearly not working, if one or both partners are unhappy and are not hearing wedding bells in their future, they might be better off parting company than hitting pause.
Trouble in Paradise: Hitting the Pause on Passion
Michael Langlais and Erika Elias (2025) explored the consequences of temporary breakups in a paper titled “ When Love Pauses ,” seeking to understand how temporary romantic breakups affect psychological and physiological well-being.
Langlais and Elias distinguished temporary breakups from on-again off-again relationships, which they defined as “a cycle of breaking up and getting back together.” Temporary breakups, on the other hand, are periods apart during which one or both partners pursue personal growth and improvement, and may re-experience singlehood before either getting back together or ending the relationship permanently. Even though this type of separation is not forever, temporary breakups can negatively affect emotional health. Langlais and Elias explain, however, that taking time to engage in self-focus and potential resolution of relationship issues reduced physiological well-being as well as self-esteem .
Relational Ambiguity Creates Anxiety
Langlais and Elias explain that, similar to permanent breakups, temporary breakups can prompt emotional distress as well as physical symptoms, including anxiety , depression , disturbed sleep, and a feeling of loss. Decreased psychological well-being was particularly prevalent where breakups involved limited communication, the absence of rules, and when the reason for the breakup was due to relationship issues.
Langlais and Elias note that the ambiguity and lack of closure associated with temporary breakups could intensify or prolong distress compared with permanent breakups and a more definitive sense of closure. Taking a break could also negatively affect physiological well-being through ambiguity—a couple is not together but not completely apart, which could create heightened stress and uncertainty. Unresolved feelings and undefined relationship status can easily worsen these emotional struggles.
Langlais and Elias explain that lower self-esteem during temporary breakups can have consequences beyond compromised well-being; the reassessment of relational value and self-worth can be destabilizing, particularly due to the lack of partner support and an uncertain relational future. Reduced self-esteem can also cause single individuals to withdraw from social activities and interactions, which can increase feelings of isolation and loneliness .
Save a Relationship During a Pause by Eliminating Ambiguity
Fortunately, not every couple who takes a break makes it permanent. Partners seeking to explore potential relational repair while on a break, Langlais and Elias suggest several steps.
Couples should create and maintain clear communication rules and manage mutual expectations to reduce or prevent potentially negative outcomes on well-being. Defining specific guidelines at the beginning of a relational break could include the anticipated amount of contact, whether partners are free to date others, and when they will revisit reconciliation. Langlais and Elias explain that these steps will reduce ambiguity, a particularly harmful consequence of taking a break.
Couples should also consider the reason for the relational pause, as Langlais and Elias note that breaks motivated by relationship issues were linked with worse psychological and physiological outcomes than breaks prompted by situational factors such as geographic distance.
Langlais and Elias conclude what many couples have realized, usually in retrospect: relational breakups, whether temporary or permanent, can have similar consequences, both psychologically and physiologically. And because they found that relational ambiguity best explained the negative impact of temporary breakups on well-being, couples struggling within unhappy or mismatched relationships are wise to consider whether to hit pause or end the relationship.
Facebook image: New Africa/Shutterstock
Langlais, Michael, and Erika Elias. “ When Love Pauses: Examining the Physiological Consequences of Temporary Breakups. ” Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy , November 2025.
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Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Why Bad Looks Good , Red Flags , and co-author of the revised New York Times bestseller Reading People .
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