Do Your Close Relationships Help You Reach Your Dreams?
When the people you're close to hold you back.
Posted May 16, 2026 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Pursuing one’s dreams is central to mental wellness. Healthy relationships with healthy individuals encourage personal growth, which is necessary to achieve goals and live dreams. Relationships with unhealthy individuals can inhibit your growth and lower the chances of reaching your brightest star. If you can tell the difference between people who support your growth and those who inhibit growth, you may benefit from supportive attachment and avoid being held back.
Growth-Oriented Individuals
Some individuals are growth-oriented. They seek knowledge and change. They see themselves and their lives as dynamic, and they are constantly trying to improve their situation and that of others. These individuals encourage and support those around them. Especially those they love and care about. They not only facilitate change, but they also celebrate it and share it. Here is a sample dialogue between a growth-oriented adult child and their parents who have decided to retire to another location.
Dad: Your mother and I have decided to retire to Florida. We have always wanted to live in a warm climate near the ocean, and this is our chance.
Child: That’s fantastic. You and Mom deserve an easier life after working so hard and being such wonderful parents. I hope you don’t mind if we come down and visit you often?
Dad: We were counting on it. We will come back and visit you and your family often.
Child: Of course you will. You will be welcome any time. Is there anything we can do to help you relocate?
Growth-Averse Individuals
Other individuals fear change and defend the status quo; they feel threatened by the growth of those around them, and they discourage it. Here is the same dialogue between a parent and his child; he and his wife have decided to use retirement as a vehicle to realize their lifelong dream of living in a warm climate by the ocean.
Dad: Your mother and I have decided to retire to Florida. We have always wanted to live in a warm climate near the ocean, and this is our chance.
Child: Florida? Why would anyone want to live in such a tacky state? Mom can’t possibly be happy there.
Dad: Mom and I decided this together. We have been planning this for years.
Child: I guess being a parent and a grandparent is no longer important to you.
Dad: We were hoping you would bring the family down to visit. The children love to swim.
Child: The children swim in pools. The ocean is dangerous and dirty.
Growth-oriented individuals are confident in their ability to adapt and adjust to new circumstances. They believe they can make the best of new situations, and they seek them out. This is an indication of mental health. They encourage others towards health by supporting their growth, especially those they love and care about.
Growth-averse individuals fear and resist change. They struggle to cope with their current circumstances and fear new challenges. They discourage growth because they are dependent on others in some way and threatened by changes. They have stagnated in their life. They are stuck. This is not consistent with mental health.
Most people experience forced change at some point in their lives. It might be the loss of a loved one, a change in health, or the loss of a job. Spending one’s life avoiding change and discouraging the growth of others is poor preparation for forced change. This challenges their coping abilities in a way that makes it catastrophic.
If you are in a growth period, growth-averse relations can hold you back. This does not mean that you have to discontinue relationships with growth-averse friends and relatives, but it does mean that you must discount their inhibitive effect. A way to manage this is not to share this part of your life with them. You don’t need to hide from them; however, avoid raising these topics as points of conversation or negotiation. You can't expect them to support your growth. In the second example above, the son cannot or will not share his parents’ growth. They will do their best to visit when they can and accept that the son is not likely to bring his family down for a visit. If the parents give in and cancel their plans because of his disapproval, they will lose control of their lives. They will not grow; they will stagnate because the son has taken over their lives for his needs.
If the parents do not give in, they increase the chances that their son will grow. He will either have to become fully independent and live with much less support from his parents, or he will become more flexible in his relationships to allow for growth. The parents are not hurting their son by growing, even though he might make this claim.
Growth-oriented individuals do well to seek out friends and lovers who are also growth-oriented. The relationship becomes a synergy for each other’s growth through mutual support. Shared growth experiences encourage and enhance intimacy . It produces strong relationships while encouraging the maximization of each individual’s life potential. This is extremely important to the pursuit and maintenance of mental health.
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Daniel S. Lobel, Ph.D. , is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Katonah, NY, as well as an Assistant Clinical Professor at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in the Department of Psychiatry.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.