Do You Really Think You Know What Forgiveness Is?
Is forgiveness so subjective that it is whatever you think it is? Let's explore.
Posted March 24, 2026 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
In February 2025, an entire issue of the American Psychological Association's Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology was devoted to the question of how to define forgiveness accurately ( Song et al., 2025 ). It took six psychologists and three philosophers 68 pages to wrestle with the question posed here: What exactly is forgiveness, and can we reach an agreement on it? In this post, I want to share the struggles that these academic professionals had as they grappled with the question. I will pose nine statements about what forgiveness might be. Your task is to choose what you think is the one and only right answer. I then will give you my view on each of them so that you can continue to think more deeply about what forgiveness is, so that you can accurately and possibly successfully complete the task of forgiving if or when someone is deeply unjust to you.
Here is your forgiveness exam. Choose what you consider to be the best answer to the question, “What exactly is forgiveness?”:
Here are the answers, derived from the Aristotelian assumption (Song et al., 2025), consistent with science, that forgiveness does have an objective reality that can be understood, measured, and tried toward the goal of improving one's own well-being and possibly that of the ones who were unjust.
- Yes, this is the most complete definition of forgiveness because it captures the essence of a moral virtue in the context of being treated unfairly. It includes diminishing the negative issues and developing the positive toward the offending person for that person's sake.
Your thinking through the essence of forgiveness is important so that you do not go down a path that is not forgiveness. In my experience, many people use the word “forgiveness” but never have taken the time to deeply explore what it is and what it is not. May your forgiveness journey, if you choose to embark on it, be accurate and successful.
Holmgren, M. R. (1993). Forgiveness and the Intrinsic Value of Persons. American Philosophical Quarterly , 30 (4), 341–352. http://www.jstor.org/stable/20014472
North, J. (1987). Wrongdoing and forgiveness. Philosophy, 62 , 499–508. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1017/S003181910003905X
Song, J., Enright, R.D., & Kim, J. (2025). Definitional drift within the science of forgiveness:The dangers of avoiding philosophical analyses. Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology, 45 (1), 3–24. doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/teo0000278
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Robert Enright, Ph.D., is a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and a licensed psychologist who pioneered the social scientific study of forgiveness.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.