Cyberstalkers and Cyberbullies: Coping Methods for Adults
Cyberharassment is invasive and can lead to psychological distress and PTSD.
Posted November 3, 2024 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Cyberbullying is not confined to just the young; cyberbullying and cyberstalking can be actively perpetrated against anyone across the lifespan. According to SafeHome.org , 7.5 million people experience cyberharassment each year. A Pew Research study revealed that 41% of adults reported having experience some form of online harassment in the past six months.
On occasion, someone might accidentally post or send an image or an email containing personal and potentially embarrassing information to the wrong site or the wrong person. A “reply all” instead of “reply to sender” error could happen, but in cyberbullying and cyberstalking, there is an intent to do harm via electronic means. In exploring the mental health of perpetrators, Blais et al. (2024) found that a common thread was the presence of antisocial traits and grandiose narcissism. The internet provides both anonymity and the power to almost “invisibly” wreak havoc and distress on victims, which feeds the narcissistic appetite while satisfying a perpetrator’s antisocial tendencies.
Cyberstalking involves intentional, malicious, and repeated harassment of a person and includes a clear threat to another person’s safety. It must be repetitive behavior and can occur via a variety of methods, including social media , voice mails, text, and email. The victim of this behavior is threatened with actual harm from the cyberstalker or by a surrogate for the perpetrator. This can include sending frightening, obscene, or unwanted messages to a person with the intent to cause fear or emotional pain.
Cyberbullying has similar qualities to cyberstalking. It is intentional, repeated, causes harm, and is accomplished through technology such as cell phones and computers. Its goal is to harass, humiliate, and distress a person. The traditional image of a schoolyard bully threatening physical harm if a peer doesn’t give them their lunch money creates a prototype of a cyberbully who threatens to expose private information, photos, or engage in self-harm if the victim doesn’t give the bully what they want. In adulthood, this may be seen as extortion, rather than bullying .
How Cyber Abuse Shows Up in Families
Research shows that more and more adults are disengaging and cutting off contact with their parents – whether it’s due to geographical relocation or a decision to let go and walk away from an unhealthy family of origin, or for some reason that remains unknown to their parents. When disengagement or family cut-offs occur, it can lead to unexpected bouts of cyberharassment. In some families, abandoned parents may do everything they can to force their children to re-engage and respond. They may leave voicemails begging their child to call them back; send multiple text messages or emails asking why they haven’t yet responded; and make threats such as changing their wills. If older adults are in poor health or financial distress, they may be especially desperate to reconnect with a child as they experience their own diminishing agency and health.
While older adult parents may typically reach out for one type of support, adult children who resort to cyberharassment of their parents tend to do so in an effort to receive financial support. In many cases, addiction or mental illness is present. These adult children may beg for money, saying it’s for rent, food, or transportation to their job. They may try to guilt trip parents about future inheritances that they feel they deserve now or use threats to frighten their parents into acquiescence.
The availability of so much information on the web regarding so many aspects of people’s lives, including social networks and workplace contacts, makes most people easy to find—and to harass, bully, and cause emotional, financial, and reputational harm. This gives cyberbullies access to an armory of weapons to use against their victims. It is very difficult to hide from cyberstalkers and cyberbullies, relatives or not.
Consequences of Cyberstalking and Cyberbullying
Researchers (Cordellieri et al., 2024; Worsley et al., 2017) have found that there are common mental health impacts experienced by victims. These include:
Coping With Cyber Harassment
There are five main categories of coping behaviors that victims of stalkers exhibit (Cupach and Spitzberg, 2004):
"Moving Toward" or "Moving With" Strategies
"Moving Against" Strategies
"Moving Away" Strategies
"Moving Inward" Strategies
"Moving Outward" and "Building Your Resources" Strategies
What Is the Most Effective Direction to Follow?
The strategies that fall under the “moving away” category are the most beneficial over time, although they require an investment of labor early on. By distancing yourself and ignoring the person’s efforts to engage you or get you to give in to their demands, you are avoiding an even more intense onslaught of texts, emails, etc. Bear in mind that cyberharassers tend to display grandiose narcissism as well as antisocial tendencies. The latter implies a willingness to lie, use aliases to mask identity , and be deceitful. Effiorts to appease them or reason with them may feed the problem and give them a toehold.
To stay the course when choosing to “move away” from a harasser’s reach, it is helpful to “move outward” as well. This involves reaching out for guidance and support as you put into place the barriers to further contact. Support from family and friends may include working with a mental health professional or reaching out regarding legal issues. Cyber harassment is traumatic and leads to deleterious consequences. Seek support to help you cope.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory .
Blais, J., Aelick, C. A., Scully, J. M., & Pruysers, S. (2024). Antisocial personality traits as potential risk factors for cyberstalking: Only aspects of psychopathy and narcissism matter. Psychiatry, Psychology and Law , 1-20.
Cupach, W.R., & Spitzberg, B. H. (2004). The dark side of relationship pursuit: From attraction to obsession and stalking . Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.
Worsley, J. D., Wheatcroft, J. M., Short, E., & Corcoran, R. (2017). Victims’ voices: Understanding the emotional impact of cyberstalking and individuals’ coping responses. Sage open , 7 (2), 2158244017710292.
Cordellieri, P., Paoli, E., Giannini, A. M., & Lausi, G. (2024). From verbal to physical violence: the different severity perception of stalking behaviors. Current Psychology , 1-13.
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Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D. , is a licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.