Coping with Our Thoughts and Feelings Following Mass Shootings
10 ways to help us focus on the precious parts of life.
Posted March 24, 2021 | Reviewed by Chloe Williams
A name and brief bio are offered in several media outlets of the victims from the Atlanta, Georgia and Boulder, Colorado mass shootings. I teeter on wanting to know more about each of them, and not wanting to know. I am fearful that if I “know” them, my pain will intensify, and I will perseverate over my sorrow for each of them.
I will have a visual — a name, a picture, and a profound story. I am not sure whether I want to get that intimate, and as a result of that knowledge, I’m concerned how it will emotionally impact me.
I can’t help but think of all the family members. Children who have lost their parents, parents who have lost their children, all tragically and prematurely. In a blink of an eye, their lives are lost.
How We Cope with Our Thoughts and Feelings
We all seem to be caught up in thinking and judging ourselves as a result of our reaction to the string of mass shootings. The judgment is elicited by the way in which we cope with our thoughts and feelings relative to these atrocities.
It tends to be a combination of being dismissive of our feelings, feeling profoundly saddened and mournful, and becoming considerably anxious about the possibility of a mass shooting directly impacting us, our families, and those we know and love.
Practicing mindfulness and being in the present moment becomes increasingly more challenging when there is a flurry of negative thoughts and feelings that enter and exit our minds and when we feel personally threatened.
In these instances, we are more inclined to dismiss or defend against these thoughts and feelings because of the intense level of discomfort. Also, the more negative and less favorable thoughts and feelings lead us to question and worry about who we truly are and what we’re all about.
How Our Thoughts Challenge Our Self-Perceptions
Thoughts like, “I want the shooter dead” or “I can imagine myself being the next victim” or “I can’t waste my time thinking about this because it’s too distressing” are fraught with very strong thoughts and feelings about how people view themselves.
I have heard, “I have always thought of myself as a kind humanistic person, how could I wish someone dead?” or “What’s wrong with me that I can’t get this out of my mind, and I continue to think of it?” or “Have I become so hardened and cold that I’m becoming immune to all of this?” These thoughts can be unsettling and can cause us to question our identity .
I find our understandably strong feelings are breeding concerns about our “meanness,” “weakness,” “insensitivity,” “aloofness,” etc. It is challenging to practice mindfulness when all we want to do is run away from our mind, rather than lean in toward it.
It becomes way too threatening and uncomfortable when we question who we fundamentally are. We do what we are taught to do and what we naturally do as human beings, we dismiss, avoid, minimize, and rationalize our thoughts and feelings because, in these instances, they become too much to bear.
We Are All Traumatized
We are all personally traumatized. Whether it is because our perception about the world or about people in general has been challenged, whether we’re observing disturbing and distressing scenes and feel unearthed, or whether we come face to face with our human vulnerability in regard to our fragility and mortality.
It is exasperating to think about how vulnerable we are and how precious our lives truly are. In one moment, we could be active and well, and in another moment, we can face death head-on.
When actually faced with death, what people end up regretting most is: not being loving enough, not spending enough time with their loved ones, not being in the “now” to appreciate and enjoy precious moments and experiences, not appreciating and showing gratitude for all that they had, not taking enough risk and/or challenging themselves, not taking good enough care of themselves, and not choosing work that was meaningful enough for them.
How to Live an Enriched Life
Think for a moment about whether you are harboring regrets, which undoubtedly carries with it guilt . Are you able to get in touch with what you would regret if it were your last days? How many of us fully live in the moment and as if it is our last and final day? I expect we would be living differently if we had that sentiment formatively in our minds day in and day out.
We can all do a better job to live life more mindfully and meaningfully. There are ways that we can facilitate mindful living and purposefully paying attention to the precious moments, experiences, people, and things that surround us every day.
The present moment is truly all that we can secure. We can assure ourselves opportunities where we value ourselves, our beloved relationships, and the meaningful lives we are striving to create. Mindfully and passionately live for today because tomorrow is never promised to us .
Here is a Healing Guided Meditation Following The Mass Shootings led by me.
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Michelle P. Maidenberg, Ph.D., MPH, LCSW-R, maintains a private practice and is an adjunct graduate professor of Mindfulness Practice at New York University. She is the author of ACE Your Life.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.