Caregiving and Self-Care Are Not Mutually Exclusive

Personal Perspective: Finding "me time" as a caregiver is hard but possible.

Posted April 30, 2026 | Reviewed by Margaret Foley

Two years ago, my longtime romantic partner Brian was diagnosed with leukemia. At first, our life together was much like it had always been. But eventually he became too weak to drive himself to his various appointments, including to the hospital for his regular blood transfusions. I gradually became his chauffeur, chef, medication technician, and general organizer, amid multiple other responsibilities.

During my first visit to the transfusion area, I smiled pleasantly (I thought) and began to introduce myself to Brian’s nurse, “Karen.” Karen, who had never seen me before, took one look at me and said, “You.” She pointed at me. “You need some ‘me time.’ Go upstairs to the coffee shop. Get your favorite drink, then look out the window at the beautiful view.” She gave me another appraising look and said, “And I think you need a hug, too.” Which she promptly gave me.

I was only too happy to follow her instructions. But how did she know I was on my last nerve when I didn't realize it myself? I can only conclude that the stress of caregiving was somehow written all over my face.

Self-Care for the Caregiver

Caregiving could be the hardest “job” you’ll ever have. Not that caregiving always feels like a chore; happiness and fulfillment can arise from doing right by the one you love. Still, there are endless tasks involved just to maintain the household and ensure good medical care for your loved one. There is also the expenditure of emotional energy—encouraging your partner, keeping up with concerned friends and relatives, and communicating with medical personnel.

To do all this, caregivers must maintain their own health and sanity—something which I was apparently not doing, given my experience with Karen. In my defense, finding the time for “me time” was a challenge I didn't know I was having. I eventually learned that I could tuck self-care into the corners of my day, even during the busiest times.

Finding “Me Time”: A Short List of Easy Self-Care Tactics

One general “rule” that worked for me was to practice the self-care I always did, but in “mini” form. For example, I would take a mini-walk around the beautiful hospital grounds or even down a corridor on Brian’s floor. This tactic reinforced my walking habit and lifted my spirits.

The following ideas for "mini self-care" might provide comfort and relief:

While these ideas may help during intense periods of caregiving, no formula for self-care can apply to everyone. Long-term caregivers may need longer breaks and vacations, and chunks of weekly or even daily relief.

I must emphasize that good self-care is more than "me time." Sometimes you will get satisfaction just from living up to your values and helping the one you love. As PT blogger Andy Tix points out here, helping others can improve your own well-being , too. And I would have never wanted to be haunted by regret that I didn't do my best by Brian.

After this astonishing incident, I wrote a thank-you note to Karen, telling her how much her words had meant to me, and delivered it personally…with a hug. But no note could ever convey my gratitude. It’s wonderful when someone recognizes what you need. To be “seen” is to be understood. I’ve looked back on this incident many times and see it increasingly as a miracle that sustained me then…and still does now.

This post is dedicated to the memory of my longtime romantic partner, Brian Carr, 1939-2026.

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Meg Selig is the author of Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success .

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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.