Can Someone Cheat on You and Still Love You?
Cheating on a partner doesn’t always mean love is gone.
Posted October 24, 2025 | Reviewed by Kaja Perina
It’s widely debated whether cheating on a partner is evidence that the person who’s stepped out of the relationship doesn’t love their partner. In one camp, you have those who believe someone who truly loves their partner wouldn’t cheat due to the pain and embarrassment that discovery would cause them. In the other are those who maintain that, yes, someone can cheat on a partner they love under certain circumstances.
David Palmiter, Ph.D., ABPP, a Maryland-based psychologist and founder of helpingfamilies.com, takes the latter approach: “The person who infracted almost always still loves their partner and usually feels guilty.”
Skeptical about how this could be true? The following discussion addresses the contexts and explanations for how this seeming contradiction can occur.
Emotional Distance With Their Partner
One of the most common explanations people who cheat cite is not feeling understood by their partner. They say they no longer feel emotionally connected to them (or never did), and have discovered the emotional connection they’ve been lacking with another person. The result is emotional cheating that can turn physical.
Dr. Palmiter notes that even when someone seeks emotional intimacy elsewhere, they often feel at a loss for how to re-establish closeness with their partner. However, he says, “they often do not wish for a divorce or separation.”
Whether the affair ultimately leads to that individual leaving the relationship will remain to be seen. However, if they’re conflicted about leaving their partner, it could be because they still have feelings, perhaps love, for them, despite stepping outside of the relationship to get their needs met. They may even profess as much to their existing partner in an effort to explain their actions.
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
People who cheat but still contend they love their partner may argue that it was “just sex ” that led them to stray. It’s not that they don’t love the person they’re with, they argue, but the thought of being with the same person for a long time or a lifetime, for that matter, can be cause for them to wonder what else is out there and what they’re missing out on.
If they don’t find a situation or someone they believe is better for them, these individuals often return to their partner, claiming they always loved them and were suffering from the fear of missing out, also known as FOMO. Dr. Palmiter explains that “pretty much any problem can increase the odds of infidelity because the excitement of the affair can temporarily relieve personal pain.”
When someone suffers from sex compulsion, or an addiction to drugs or alcohol , they have a more difficult time controlling their impulses, potentially leading them to cheat. Even in these situations, Dr. Palmiter observes that love for a partner often remains, though repairing trust can require significant and planful effort.
We all have insecurities. We may not be comfortable with our appearance, our ability to earn a living, our upbringing, or anything else that makes us feel “less than” someone else we are comparing ourselves to.
For some, these insecurities can catalyze looking outside their relationship. According to Dr. Palmiter, these behaviors, too, can coexist with genuine love for a partner, demonstrating the complexity of human relationships.
There is a lot that falls under the umbrella of past trauma , and depending on what it is, the effect can be to drive someone to cheat on their partner. Those who link their cheating to past trauma , Dr. Palmiter suggests, may still love their partner, even when their actions suggest otherwise.
“I think if you examine many sources of lingering and significant psychological pain, you’d find that they increase the odds of an affair,” Dr. Palmiter says. Infatuation seems medicinal, he explains, but is actually akin to a dehydrated person floating on a raft in the ocean and drinking the salt water.
Stress and depression can drive people to behave in ways they might not ordinarily, including cheating on their partner. People who stray from their relationship as a coping mechanism for relieving tension may not be thinking of anyone but themselves in that moment, forgetting about their love for their partner or the potential consequences of their actions.
This sort of disassociation is common whenever a person engages in a behavior that they’d just as soon not be doing, such as binge eating or gambling to excess. Dr. Palmiter reiterates that even when cheating or similar self-sabotaging behavior functions as a short-term coping mechanism, genuine feelings for the partner may remain.
A Last Word About How Love and Betrayal Can Coexist
When faced with the reality that their partner has cheated, people tend to look for reasons not only why they did it, but within those reasons, evidence that their partner still loves them. While comforting and possibly a starting point for repairing a relationship following unfaithfulness, this focus overlooks one fundamental concept: whether both partners have the skills to be in a committed relationship .
“The most common problems I find at the root of affairs,” Dr. Palmiter says, “are a combination of not understanding the mechanics of a long-term relationship, what a successful relationship looks like, and the dynamics that can lead to an affair.”
Understanding these factors can help both partners build a strong relationship moving forward, whether with someone new or as a couple. As cheating doesn’t always mean love is gone, it could also signal that there may be an opportunity for wounded partners to find commitment and security with each other again.
Dr. Palmiter concludes, “If the cheating partner takes full responsibility, genuinely addresses the reasons for their infidelity, and both partners commit to rebuilding trust along with their relationship skills, there is often a path forward for them.”
(D. Palmiter, Ph.D., ABPP, personal communication, October 22, 2025)
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Stacey Freeman, J.D., is a New York City-based writer, journalist, author, and editor and the founder of Write On Track LLC, a full-service consultancy dedicated to providing high-quality content and strategy to individuals and businesses.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.