Are You Stressed, Lonely, or Disconnected?
Try bonding with a pet. Where would we be without the animals in our lives?
Updated June 3, 2026 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Humans have long depended on animals. Whether we saw them as food or as a means of getting work done, they enabled us to survive. But we have long bonded with them as well. I remember my grandmother talking about not eating pork for an entire winter, because she had loved the family pig. But today, pets occupy a unique space in our lives. Most of us don’t need them to work for us; we need them to love us. In a rapidly changing, digitally driven world, they keep us grounded and connected to reality.
Petting a dog, listening to a cat purr, or even watching a school of fish swim activates ingrained sensory processes in our brains. Their textures, their non-verbal expressions, and even their smells force us to pay attention to the present rather than ruminate about the past or worry about the future. When they offer us a head butt or a lick, we can accept the action at face value, rather than wondering about their ulterior motives. Even when they are begging for a treat or hoping for a head scratch, they make us feel as though our attention is wanted and valuable. And they can make us feel needed.
While we know that the people around us need us to do our jobs, to behave in civil ways, and to initiate and maintain relationships, human interactions are complex. Relying on language allows us to share information across time, space, and generations. But it also makes it possible to dissemble, to lie, and to manipulate each other. When dealing with others, we are always balancing our own desires and insecurities against theirs, and hoping we understand each other. When people betray our trust, physically, financially, or emotionally, we wonder why we weren’t able to detect the duplicity beneath their actions. But with animals, we have a sense that what you see is what you get. If you are kind and loving, they gravitate to you. If you harm them, they will hide, cower, or defend themselves, but they don’t pretend to love you while taking advantage of you behind your back.
In our migratory world, pets also provide a sense of continuity. Many of us spend more real time with our pets than anyone else. We pass our neighbors in the hall or on the street, keep up with our families and friends via text, video, scheduled phone calls, and occasional in-person meetings, and conduct business with hundreds of people we know we are unlikely to see again. But when we return home, our animals greet us, follow us around, and ask nothing more than that we feed and notice them. And while we are not sure how many of our words they understand, they are attuned to our tone of voice, our smiles, and our tears. I have seen and heard stories of dogs, cats, birds, and even rabbits and guinea pigs spontaneously snuggling up to someone when they are upset, and jumping, moving, or playing when they are happy.
Although we undoubtedly interpret animal behaviors through our human lens, research suggests that we aren’t just seeing what we want to see. When people interact socially with their dogs, they experience a surge in oxytocin , the hormone believed to play a role in social connection and bonding . Dogs also experience a surge in oxytocin when making eye contact with their owners. Interacting with animals reduces our blood pressure and heart rate and can calm us when we are stressed . When we lose a pet, we respond with grief and distress, but studies suggest that they also miss us when we are gone. Even non-traditional pets, including reptiles, birds, and abandoned wild animals, can recognize and respond to us in predictable ways.
The way we treat animals has long been a marker of the quality of our character. We distrust people who aren’t kind to animals and have increasingly bolstered our laws governing the penalties for animal abuse. In psychological terms, the mistreatment of animals is a diagnostic criterion for two psychological conditions. The first, conduct disorder begins in childhood and is characterized by lying , cheating, stealing, and hurting others, including animals, with little remorse. If such behaviors persist into adulthood, they form the basis of a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder or ASPD.
Individuals with ASPD lack the capacity for empathy. They can be charming and persuasive, but prioritize their own needs over those of others, fail to respond to social or even legal punishment , and refuse to take responsibility for their own actions, no matter how egregious they are. Interpersonally, they engage in domestic violence , in the social and financial sphere, they can be found conning people into making self-destructive decisions, and in the political world, they often pursue power to the detriment of everyone but themselves. It shouldn’t surprise us, then, that they are not bothered by mistreating animals.
Perhaps it is time to acknowledge how very important animals are, not despite but because we live in a complicated, increasingly online world. If we want to judge how a partner might treat us, we need to observe how they treat animals. If we want to determine whether a political figure can be trusted to act for the common good, we need to pay attention to how they treat the animals in their lives. If we want to reduce loneliness in the young or the elderly, we need to ensure that they have access to interactions with animals. In airports and colleges, petting animals reduces stress. In assisted living settings, caring for animals provides people with a sense of purpose. Volunteering to help at animal shelters gives people a sense of purpose. Watching birds or animals in the wild can help us keep our own problems in perspective. Knowing that someone is at home waiting for us makes us want to be there. We may not rely on animals to grow our food or provide transportation as we once did, but they are no less important for our well-being.
Oxytocin-gaze positive loop
Brooks, H.L., Rushton, K., Lovell, K. et al. The power of support from companion animals for people living with mental health problems: a systematic review and narrative synthesis of the evidence . BMC Psychiatry 18, 31 (2018).
Kogan LR, Currin-McCulloch J, Bussolari C, Packman W, Erdman P. The Psychosocial Influence of Companion Animals on Positive and Negative Affect during the COVID-19 Pandemic . Animals (Basel). 2021 Jul 13;11(7):2084. PMID: 34359212; PMCID: PMC8300185.
Wirobski, G., Range, F., Schaebs, F.S. et al. Life experience rather than domestication accounts for dogs’ increased oxytocin release during social contact with humans. Sci Rep 11, 14423 (2021).
Share this post Facebook Bluesky Linkedin Email
There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.
By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy
Mary McNaughton-Cassill, Ph.D. , is a Professor of Clinical Psychology and an award-winning teacher at the University of Texas at San Antonio.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.
This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.