Are You Running From Yourself?
Why staying busy may be a way to avoid your own emotions.
Posted February 11, 2026 | Reviewed by Kaja Perina
Recently, a friend told me that he rarely reads or watches TV because he can't sit still that long. I have several clients who take on far more than they can handle because they like to "stay busy." A surprising number of people, I've discovered, desperately avoid being alone.
We are living in a world of running people. I wish we were all running to improve our health and well-being, but I'm afraid that instead we are mostly "running" to escape the emotions inside of us.
When you are moving, you're distracted, driven, and occupied. This keeps you from having to feel what it's like to be in your own skin. In contrast, when you stop moving, your inner self appears, and you are forced to reckon with it. Your inner self includes everything that makes you you, like your life experiences, your memories, and most importantly, your feelings.
To determine whether you are a member of the "running" group, answer these questions about yourself in general before reading on:
I have come to realize that sometimes there is a surprising explanation for the need to run from oneself. It’s not society or the lure of technology. It’s childhood emotional neglect.
When you grow up in a household that’s blind to emotion , you don’t learn the skills necessary to accept, identify, tune in to, or express your own feelings.
When you don't face and manage your emotions, they all go underground, pooling together inside of you like a pot of soup. This “soup” simmers away outside of your awareness. Out of sight, out of mind. As long as you stay busy, distracted, and focused on other things, you don’t have to feel those feelings.
But it’s those alone moments when there is nothing to distract you that the feelings start to bubble up. I have seen this lead to great discomfort in many people; a feeling of restlessness and discontent that is difficult to sit with.
Here, I’m going to share with you an exercise from my book, Running on Empty, that I often share with my emotionally neglected patients. It’s specially designed to help you learn to tolerate your inner self. It's a skill that will help make your life more peaceful, more calm, and more emotionally connected.
Identifying & Naming Exercise
Do this exercise once every day. You can start with three minutes, or one minute, or ten minutes, depending on how difficult you find it. You decide what’s most workable for you:
Step 1: Close your eyes. Picture a blank screen that takes over your mind, banishing all thoughts. Focus all your attention on the screen, turning your attention inward.
Step 2: Ask yourself this question: “What am I feeling right now?”
Step 3: Focus on your internal experience. Be aware of any thoughts that might pop into your head, and erase them quickly. Keep your focus on: “What am I feeling right now?”
Step 4: Try to identify feeling words to express it. You may need more than one word.
Step 5: If you’re having difficulty identifying any feelings, you can find a comprehensive list of feeling words online or in the back of my book, Running on Empty, to help you identify and name what you are feeling.
If you find this exercise impossible, don’t be upset! Many emotionally neglected people have great difficulty with it. Simply try this instead:
Here, you are using Step 1 from the Identifying & Naming Exercise as a way to practice sitting with yourself and your feelings and tolerating them. Do this as many times per day as you can. The more often you do it, the better you will get at it. At some point, you will be ready to go back and try the full Identifying & Naming Exercise again, and it will be easier this time.
The Bottom Line: Emotions are a useful, vital, biological part of who you are. Your emotions cannot be erased, and they will not be denied. You can make them your friends or your enemies, but you cannot run from them.
If you've been running from your feelings, turn around and face them. Learn to sit with them, express them, and manage them. Start using them to make decisions. Allow them to enrich and enliven your life, and you will feel more connected, more fulfilled, stronger, and happier as a result.
It's amazing what you discover when you stop running from your feelings. You realize that what you've been avoiding all these years isn't so bad after all. It's valuable and useful. It's just you.
A version of this post also appears on emotionalneglect.com
To determine whether you might be living with the effects of childhood emotional neglect, you can take the free Emotional Neglect Questionnaire. You'll find the link in my bio.
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Jonice Webb, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of two books, Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect and Running On Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.