Are You a Sucker for a Bad Boy or Girl?
Psychologists investigate what makes manipulators and sadists more attractive.
Posted March 28, 2026 | Reviewed by Margaret Foley
Many of us feel that we have a type—a set of characteristics that we look for in a romantic partner. But, regardless of what we profess to desire, we often find ourselves in relationships with those who aren’t right for us: partners who at first seem delightful but turn out to be mean, manipulative, or prone to gaslighting . Why are we suckers for a bad boy or girl?
Much research on relationships has sought to determine whether people tend to pair up with those who possess characteristics that are similar to or different from their own. These studies have generally shown that we tend to match our partners: Couples are similar in physical attractiveness , political viewpoints, and personality profiles.
But the rule doesn’t always hold true. Couples might be more compatible if they differ in certain key traits. For example, there is evidence that partners who differ in dominance have more stable and satisfying relationships. This may be because they are able to avoid the fiery bust-ups that ensue when two highly dominant people pair up.
One way in which we vary in our personalities is the extent to which we embody so-called dark and light personality traits. Dark traits include Machiavellianism , narcissism, psychopathy, and sadism. Those who score highly on Machiavellianism are emotionally distant and manipulative; narcissists believe they are superior to others; psychopaths tend to be antisocial, impulsive, and lacking in shame ; while those with sadistic tendencies enjoy inflicting pain on others. People with light personalities, however, are altruistic , selfless, and humble—they express concern for others’ well-being and would rather cooperate than control.
We might intuitively assume that people who possess dark personality traits are unattractive, but studies have shown that this is not always the case. Narcissists, for example, can be charming. This charm can lead to them winning jobs, friends, and partners. Meanwhile, psychopathy is associated with success in short-term, sexual relationships. And there is evidence that women rate men as more attractive in online dating scenarios if those men exhibit dark personality traits.
Why do people with dark personalities achieve greater success in their love lives than we would expect? Jana Kesenheimer and her colleagues at the University of Innsbruck’s Institute of Psychology wondered if the answer might be complementarity: Do people with relatively light personalities prefer partners with relatively dark personalities?
To find out, the psychologists ran a speed-dating event for 128 men and women. Participants had, on average, 11 three-minute dates with someone of the other gender . All participants stated their interest in each of their dating partners. And all participants completed a series of questionnaires that revealed the lightness or darkness of their personalities.
Kesenheimer found that people high in Machiavellianism and sadism had greater dating success if their dating partners were high in light personality traits. The dating success of those with narcissistic or psychopathic tendencies was unaffected by the lightness of their dating partners’ personalities.
The psychologists stress that their results don’t suggest that people with light personality traits are head-over-heels for Machiavellians and sadists. The effect is relative. That is, people generally disliked Machiavellians and sadists, but those with light personalities were less prone to reject them.
“Participants with light traits may recognize the dark traits in their dating partners but are not deterred by them”, conclude Kesenheimer and colleagues. “Another explanation is that light personalities naively trust others and lack suspicion, thus being more susceptible.” The psychologists recommend that those with light personalities attend to any initial doubts when choosing partners, to avoid falling prey to manipulators: “Giving individuals with dark personalities a chance in dating and treating them like other potential romantic partners could have long-term negative effects on romantic relationships .”
Kesenheimer, J. S., Angermann, A., Raschel, L. M., & Greitemeyer, T. (2026). Shedding light on dark romance: light personalities’ reduced rejection of Machiavellian and sadistic partners. Personal Relationships , 33 , e70058. doi:10.1111/pere.70058
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Robert Burriss, Ph.D., is an evolutionary psychologist with an interest in partner preferences. He has held research posts in departments of psychology, biology, and anthropology at universities in the USA, UK, and Switzerland.
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