Are They Breaking Up With You?
Research reveals the 3 main strategies used to end relationships.
Posted July 22, 2025 | Reviewed by Margaret Foley
Few things are as painful as being blindsided by a breakup, or even delivering the news that you want to break up with someone with whom you have been in an intimate relationship. The pain is compounded when you're broken up with in a direct and hurtful manner. Yet if the person you're in a relationship with communicates in a less-than-direct manner, it may be difficult to decipher if you are being broken up with at all.
In a recent study (Apostolou and Kagialis, 2025), researchers identified the most common breakup strategies, some of which were more aversive than others. This invaluable research may guide clinicians working with relationship breakups and may also provide breakup advice to both those breaking up with others and those who are being broken up with.
In an attempt to identify the most frequent ways that people break up with others, Apostolou and Kagialis conducted two studies. In Study 1, 228 Greek-speaking individuals were asked how they would end a romantic relationship if they were dissatisfied. The researchers identified 45 reactions, which included:
Study 2, which involved 392 Greek-speaking participants, was conducted in an effort to create categories of behavior for the 45 strategies identified in Study 1. The results of the second study found three main breakup strategies. The most frequent was "Softening the Blow," which was an attempt to take responsibility for the breakup while also explaining why it would be good for both partners. The second most common strategy was "Take a Break," which meant asking for time apart to reevaluate feelings. The third and least preferred strategy was "Avoid Confrontation," which was characterized by fading away without explaining the reasons.
As stated earlier, breaking up or being broken up with is always painful, but thankfully most individuals attempted to soften the blow. Interestingly, men and women tended to use similar strategies to break up, although women were a bit more likely to become cold and distant.
Clearly, there were limitations in the studies. The data was based on self-report and may be somewhat inaccurate. The studies were carried out in Greece, and the results may differ in other cultural contexts. Future research should take into account the length and intensity of the relationships and consider additional partner characteristics, particularly of those being broken up with. Nonetheless, the above findings might provide insight into how to go about breaking up in a kind and gentle manner.
Facebook image: Kmpzzz/Shutterstock
Apostolou, M. & Kagialis, A. (2025). Soften the blow, avoid confrontation, take a break: Three strategies that people use to terminate an intimate relationship. Personality and Individual Differences.
Share this post Facebook Bluesky Linkedin Email
There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.
By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy
Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and their well-intentioned but exhausted parents.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.
This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.