After the Baby: What No One Tells You

The physical, emotional, and practical realities of life after childbirth.

Updated May 14, 2026 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

I was ready for my 6,720 hours of pregnancy . I had been taught how to exercise for my aching back, sleep in a semi-comfortable position, and pant during labor. I was also prepared for the birth—the crowning, the first skin-to-skin touch, and the bonding during breastfeeding.

But no one told me what to do or expect after I gave birth. And from what my patients who are first-time mothers report, not much has changed.

Most of my patients tell me they are exhausted after giving birth, for much longer than they expected—weeks to months. Fluctuating hormones create some moodiness for many new mothers. Breastfeeding isn't always possible, sleep is disrupted, and every time they hear the baby cry, they say, their stomach flips, and their brain goes on high alert. Soon, this hyper-vigilance creates even more unexpected problems—distraction, disorganization, and some brain fog .

Does this mean that they are not thrilled to be mothers? They tell me they are thrilled, but also confused and embarrassed about so many other feelings they're having at the same time. On one hand, new moms generally report higher life satisfaction, increased empathy, and feelings of pride as mothers, 1 but some say they feel like they lost a large part of their identity after motherhood. 2 Some also feel isolated or alone, miss their independence, miss intimacy if they are dealing with painful intercourse, and, if they went through fertility struggles, wonder why they thought being a mother was the easy part—especially when they find that the "village" they expected to help only visits the baby to play, not to stay.

Strategies for Lowering New-Mom Stress

Here are some strategies for lowering new-mom stress and boosting new-mom satisfaction.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory .

Declercq, E. R., Sakala, C., Corry, M. P., Applebaum, S., & Herrlich, A. (2014). Major Survey Findings of Listening to MothersSM III: Pregnancy and Birth. The Journal of Perinatal Education, 23(1), 9–16. https://doi.org/10.1891/1058-1243.23.1.9
Copeland, D. B., & Harbaugh, B. L. (2019). “It’s hard being a mama”: Validation of the maternal distress concept in becoming a mother. The Journal of Perinatal Education, 28 (1), 28–42. https://doi.org/10.1891/1058-1243.28.1.28
Negron, R., Martin, A., Almog, M., Balbierz, A., & Howell, E. A. (2013). Social support during the postpartum period: Mothers’ views on needs, expectations, and mobilization of support. Maternal and Child Health Journal, 17 (4), 616–623.

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Georgia Witkin, Ph.D. , is Head of Patient Services Development for Progyny, an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and Ob/Gyn and Reproductive Sciences at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine, and Director of Patient Services Management and Development at U.S. Fertility.

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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.