After Gray Divorce, Many People Struggle to Find Happiness

How to find happiness after divorce, when it seems impossible

Posted March 30, 2026 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

When couples 50 and older end their marriages, it's known as gray divorce. Researchers Brown et al. found that, in 1990, eight percent of all persons divorcing in the U.S. were age 50 or older; today the percentage is 36 percent.

Reasons for this phenomenon abound:

After a gray divorce, many people struggle to find the happiness they hoped for.

Kathleen, 60, divorced her husband nine years ago. She sat speechless on the love seat in my office, her tear-filled eyes staring at me. I broke the silence.

Carol: Sometimes it's difficult to know where to start.

She wiped the tears from her eyes with a tissue.

Kathleen: When I divorced David, I didn't expect that all these years later I would still be so unhappy. I don't think I'm clinically depressed . I'm just so sad.

Our session continued. She said a friend of hers told her she needed professional help. She shared that over the years after the divorce, she had struggled with her relationship with her adult son and adult daughter, who had aligned more with their father than with her. For the past three years, she had been in a relationship with a kind and caring man, but her happy moments with him were fleeting.

Carol: Are you ready to explore ways to develop a plan for your happiness?

Kathleen: I am beyond ready!

After their gray divorce, many people are surprised that they have not found the happiness they thought they would. I find Dr. Arthur Brooks' work especially helpful for them. He is a behavioral scientist at Harvard Business School, a best-selling author, and a leading expert on the science of happiness. He teaches about happiness from a neuroscience and social psychology perspective. He says that, based on behavioral science and neuroscience research, the happiest people have balance in enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning.

Kathleen: I don't have balance in any of those.

Carol: We can develop your plan to find that balance.

Kathleen: I would like that.

Brooks teaches that happiness is the ability to feel positive emotions, recover quickly from negative emotions, and have a sense of purpose. He writes that happiness is not having a lot of privilege or money. It’s not constant pleasure. It’s broader than that. It's about our ability to connect with others, build meaningful relationships, create community, and develop awareness beyond ourselves.

He reports that in 2020, an international team of scholars compiled 68 common recommendations for enhancing happiness, and asked 18 of the most prolific academic experts on the science of happiness to rank them. The following were the top 10 most effective and actionable recommendations.

Kathleen: I'm eager to work on all of this.

Carol: Let's break it down into manageable steps. How do you feel about starting with Number One, since the happiness experts ranked it first?

Kathleen: I'm a list maker, so for our next session, I'll make a list about how I can begin accomplishing Number One.

Carol: That's a great start.

Patient name and details changed to preserve confidentiality.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory .

Brooks, A., (2025). The Happiness Files: Insights on Work and LIfe. Boston,MA: Harvard Business Review Press.

Brown SL, Lin IF. (2022). The Graying of Divorce: A Half Century of Change. J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2022 Sep 1;77(9):1710-1720. https://doi: 10.1093/geronb/gbac057. PMID: 35385579; PMCID: PMC9434459.

Buettner, D, Nelson T., and Veenhoven., R. (2020). Ways To Greater Happiness Study: A Delphi Study. Journal of Happiness Studies 21 2789-2806. https//link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-019-00199-3.

Gallup. (2017). U.S. divorce rate dips, but moral acceptability hits new high. /news.gallup.com/poll/213677/divorce-rate-dips-moral-acceptability-hits-new-high.aspx

Westrick-Payne, K. K., & Brown, S. L. (2024). Marriage duration at time of gray divorce. Family Profiles, FP-24-12 . Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-24-12 .

Share this post Facebook Bluesky Linkedin Email

There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.

By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Carol R. Hughes, Ph.D., LMFT , and Bruce R. Fredenburg, M.S., LMFT , are psychotherapists and co-authors of Home Will Never Be the Same Again: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce .

Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.

This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.