A Path of Empathy—One Mother’s Choice to Forgive
"Nurturing Healing Love" provides free social and emotional development programs.
Posted October 7, 2025 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
Erika Kirk, Charlie Kirk’s widow, expressed mercy for her husband’s assailant. “I forgive him because it was what Christ did. . . . The answer to hate is not hate. The answer we know from the Gospel is love—always love.” In similar powerful words of forgiveness and understanding, Scarlett Lewis, whose son, Jesse, was murdered at the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, believes that if the school shooter, Adam Lanza, “had been able to give and receive love, the tragedy would never have happened.” Despite suffering unimaginable loss, both of these courageous women serve as wise role models in how to cope when faced with adversity and pain.
It was an honor to interview Scarlett—a force of nature—over Zoom. She is a beacon of hope in a time of darkness and someone I admire and respect. This is her story of grace and humanity.
On June 30, 2006, Jesse Lewis was born larger than life, weighing 11 pounds, by C-section. While in the labor and delivery unit in the hospital as a newborn, he was, incredibly, trying to crawl out of his bassinet. On December 14, 2012, this beautiful 6-year-old boy was tragically murdered along with 20 other first-grade students and five adults in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting.
“As a child,” Scarlett says, “Jesse was protective, curious, and adventurous, a true leader .” It was his courage that led him to save nine of his classmates’ lives. While standing in front of his teacher, Jesse called for his classmates to run while the shooter was reloading his weapon, and they did. Those children are now alive and high school graduates because of Jesse’s courage. At Jesse’s funeral, Scarlett expressed compassion for the disenfranchised shooter. Scarlett’s advocacy for the need for society to reach out to care for the alienated—like Adam and other mass shooters—is the heart-wrenching story of what is so lacking and vitally needed in our divisive, violent world.
“Angel and the Bad Man,” drawn by Jesse just two days before his murder, is a symbolic representation of a spiritual and psychological conflict within mass shooters, offering a final statement on the clash between good and evil. The pencil drawing features a stick-figure angel with wings and a smiling face, but its body is shaped like a bullet, blending the divine with an instrument of death. The smiling face may suggest Jesse’s acceptance of his fate, while the number 14 in the angel’s body, representing the date of his murder, makes the drawing a haunting prophecy.
The most complex symbolism is found within the Bad Man’s head, which represents a battlefield for a spiritual conflict that is experienced by so many mass shooters today. Two opposing figures emerge: a demonic figure with blunted wings and a bizarre phallic symbol screwing down into its head, and in contrast, a divine figure with a halo and a biblical robe. The outstretched hand of this divine figure is a common gesture of blessing, invitation, or healing. The divine figure—symbol of light, salvation, and forgiveness—stands in direct opposition to the demonic figure. This conflict shows a struggle for the Bad Man’s soul, which parallels the battle within Adam and for Jesse’s own fate. It may be interpreted that the demon’s “evil” is rooted in a perversion of its being.
Scarlett’s story is a powerful testimony of using compassion and understanding to address how violence is created within our society. She describes transcending the unthinkable horror of losing her son to help others. Her organization, Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement, is a free, comprehensive curriculum designed for schools that provides a program of social-emotional learning.
When we spoke, Scarlett described finding a note that Jesse had left written on the kitchen chalkboard the morning he died. Jesse wrote, “Norturting Helinn Love,” which his mother interpreted as “Nurturing Healing Love.” This message became the foundation for her organization’s work. The organization’s mission is to be part of the solution to violence and other societal issues by providing free social and emotional development programs so needed in schools, homes, and communities.
While attending Sandy Hook Elementary School, Adam—diagnosed with autism —tragically was refused the individualized education program that his mother requested. In a cry for help, Adam wrote “The Book of Granny”—a disturbing, violent manuscript that describes a character who uses a gun concealed in a cane to shoot people. An investigation was released by the school detailing security failures and mistakes, but in Scarlett’s opinion, based on her conversations with those involved in the shooting, the report was not fully accurate. For instance, in the report, there were no signs of bullying , but Scarlett had firsthand reports from former classmates that Adam was bullied. This marginalization of Adam may have contributed to his chronic feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness, and not belonging.
Scarlett advocates for a proactive approach based on empathy and emotional intelligence . She shares this message to combat hate and violence that often exist in our world today. Her program focuses on love and belonging, as well as the ability to grow through pain and discomfort. It teaches students how to be brave in facing their fears, stand up for what’s right, and move from feeling compassion to taking action to help others.
Scarlett’s program is used in schools in all 50 U.S. states and more than 120 countries, reaching millions of children. By teaching loving skills, the movement fosters a more peaceful, caring world.
Compassion in action is about actively reaching out to those who are struggling and isolated. Instead of just feeling compassion for someone who is bullied, you intervene with an act of kindness. An example is Aaron Stark, a would-be school shooter, but for the act of kindness of a next-door neighbor who, by offering Aaron food and a place to sleep, stopped his planned murder- suicide . 1 This simple act of compassion protected Aaron and stopped his vengeful feelings.
- Cerfolio, N. (2023). Psychoanalytic and Spiritual Perspectives on Terrorism: Desire for Destruction. Routledge.
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Nina E. Cerfolio, M.D., is an associate clinical professor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai and the author of Psychoanalytic and Spiritual Perspectives on Terrorism: Desire for Destruction.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.