7 Behaviors Never to Tolerate From Narcissists
Where to draw the line against narcissistic bluster, drama, and coercion.
Posted June 19, 2025 | Reviewed by Margaret Foley
Narcissists—especially overt, grandiose narcissists—are opportunists. They view themselves as superior while seeing others as subservient and expendable. Narcissists seek attention and power by undermining, manipulating, and bullying .
By "narcissist," I mean individuals who meet the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder or who display numerous narcissistic traits.
We can have compassion for people with narcissism. Most narcissists are deeply wounded. But compassion doesn't mean tolerating unhealthy behavior.
Narcissists' attempts to shore up their fragile egos can inflict pain and needless drama on others. Research shows that being in a relationship with a narcissistic parent, partner, or other significant figure can contribute to depression , anxiety , low self-esteem , and a diminished sense of self.
Despite the damage narcissists cause, standing up to them may feel daunting. Fearing their wrath or seeking to avoid conflict, we may overlook, justify, or endure narcissistic abuse.
Yet each time we tolerate unhealthy behavior, narcissists become more emboldened.
From my clinical work with narcissists, I've noticed seven particularly destructive ways narcissists get their needs met at others' expense. Recognizing when these tactics are used on you is the first step in setting better boundaries around narcissists.
Like all bullies, narcissists intimidate others to hide the smallness they carry within. Bullying tactics can include:
Narcissists like to instill fear in others. And it's effective. When we grow fearful, we can feel less able or willing to counter bullying behavior.
Narcissists dwell in alternative realities. They make promises they have no intention of fulfilling, or say one thing, then say the opposite even moments later. Dishonest tactics include:
Not challenging these falsehoods may erode your confidence in your memory or capabilities.
Diminishing your values
Narcissists value power, attention, and winning. They demean others' values that don't match theirs by:
Narcissists have a dim view of human nature and assume that everybody shares their transactional, winner-takes-all outlook. They tend to have little appreciation for values such as empathy, tolerance, generosity , or sincerity.
Attacking your character
Narcissists malign you by:
Your character, along with your values, are essential to who you are. These need to be cherished and defended. Allowing repetitive attacks on your character and values can estrange you from your deepest self.
Narcissists seek to profit at your expense through:
Perhaps the biggest con by many narcissists is acting like royalty who are entitled to special treatment. Narcissists try to convince others that the narcissist will inevitably get what they want, no matter how outrageous their demands or behavior.
In a sense, narcissists can be seen as developmentally stuck in the "terrible twos." They dwell in a child's fantasy world, with scant restraint over their impulses. Like 2-year-olds, adult narcissists:
Narcissists, like toddlers, feel intense jealousy . When your birthday, promotion, wedding, or other big moment arrives, narcissists may try to spoil your moment in the spotlight through sarcasm or acting out.
Eroding your freedom of speech
Narcissists believe in freedom of speech, but only for themselves. They may:
Narcissists develop this array of behaviors to distract from their deep inadequacy and shame. They become adept at these seven tactics, often dishing out several in rapid-fire sequence.
For example, if you point out something a narcissist said that makes them look bad, the narcissist may claim, "I never said that. If you think I did, you're not as smart as I thought. This conversation is over. And I won't speak to you for the rest of the day."
Can you identify which of the seven tactics are used here?
In the example above, the narcissist starts with a lie ("I never said that"), attacks your character ("you're not as smart as I thought"), denies your freedom of speech ("this conversation is over"), and finishes with childish behavior ("I won't speak to you for the rest of the day").
It can be difficult to stand up to such assaultive language. I know how threatening, shaming , and vindictive narcissists can be. In some situations, it may be better to say nothing. But the choice is yours, not theirs. It's up to you whether you tolerate narcissists' unhealthy behaviors.
Day, N. J. S., Townsend, M. L., & Grenyer, B. F. S. (2022). Pathological narcissism: An analysis of interpersonal dysfunction within intimate relationships. Personality and mental health , 16 (3), 204–216. https://doi.org/10.1002/pmh.1532
Vignando, M., & Bizumic, B. (2023). Parental Narcissism Leads to Anxiety and Depression in Children via Scapegoating. The Journal of psychology , 157 (2), 121–141. https://doi.org/10.1080/00223980.2022.2148088
Jabeen, F., Gerritsen, C., & Treur, J. (2021). Healing the next generation: an adaptive agent model for the effects of parental narcissism. Brain informatics, 8(1), 4. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40708-020-00115-z
Day, N. J. S., Townsend, M. L., & Grenyer, B. F. S. (2020). Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study. Borderline personality disorder and emotion dysregulation, 7 (19) , https://bpded.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8
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Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., MFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of the bestseller If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World .
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.