6 Practices to Help You Work With Numbness

Gently find your way back to feeling using principles of AEDP psychotherapy.

Updated June 2, 2026 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

Many people—especially those who identify as neurodivergent or highly cognitive—live beautifully in their heads. Thinking, analyzing, and problem-solving are no doubt great strengths. They help us adapt, succeed, and make sense of a complex world.

And yet, many people come to me in my capacity as an AEDP psychotherapist —an experiential therapy specializing in emotions and attachment —saying: "I don’t feel much" or, “I know I should feel something… but I don’t.”

This is what we often call numbness.

Sometimes it overlaps with a difficulty in identifying and describing emotions, technically called alexithymia .

But I want to start by reframing this completely:

Numbness is not a failure. It’s a brilliant adaptation.

The Change Triangle and Numbness

On the Change Triangle, numbness usually lives on the "defense" side. When core emotions (such as sadness, anger , fear , joy) feel too overwhelming, the nervous system protects us by dampening sensation. Instead of feeling too much, we feel very little.

Underneath numbness, we often find:

Numbness is what happens when the system says, “This is too much. Let’s shut it down—for now.”

Why Thinking Takes Over

For many neurodivergent individuals, thinking isn’t just a preference—it’s a regulation strategy. When emotions feel confusing, intense, or uncomfortable, the mind steps in. Thinking becomes a safe home base to organize, to predict, and to help create distance from the body, where we feel.

The problem isn’t thinking. The problem is when thinking is the only place we can go. That's when we can feel jammed into our heads and cut off from our bodies.

At the age of 39, I went back to school to become a psychotherapist. Before that, I was scared of my emotions. I judged them as weakness. I didn't know how to use them. I thought I could think my way out of my emotions. When I learned about emotions, that all changed, and so did I.

The bad news, however, is that we cannot think our way out of emotions or into them. The good news is that we can think our way toward feeling by first getting a solid emotions education . That means learning what emotions are, how they work in the mind and body, and why we have them. We can learn what different emotions generally feel like physically, and then start sensing what is happening in our bodies.

This isn't much different from noticing hunger pangs in our stomach or soreness in our muscles. That’s where we begin.

Gentle Practices to Work with Numbness

Start with the body—not emotions.

If you feel nothing emotionally, don’t ask, “What do I feel?”

Instead ask: “What do I notice in my body?”

Even numbness has a physical signature:

The goal is not to change it—just to notice it. “Something in me feels flat… like a gray fog in my chest.” That’s the beginning of contact.

Use curiosity, not pressure.

Pressure shuts the system down further. Instead of: “Why can’t I feel anything?” try, “I wonder what this numbness is protecting me from?”

Curiosity softens defenses. It signals safety.

Track micro-shifts.

When you’re used to living in your head, emotional shifts can be subtle. Look for:

These are signs that the system is beginning to thaw.

Borrow language (this helps with alexithymia).

If identifying feelings is hard, use scaffolding:

Look at this feelings list with emotions and sensations words.

“Could this be frustration? Maybe sadness?” Say: “I’m not sure, but something in me might feel…”

You don’t need to be accurate. You just need to stay curious and engaged.

Externalize first, internalize later.

Sometimes it’s easier to access emotions indirectly, such as through:

Notice observations like, "That scene made my throat tight" or "I felt drawn to that character." These are your emotions speaking.

Core emotions are action tendencies. When they’re blocked, movement can help restart the flow.

When you move, ask yourself, "How do I sense a shift in my body?" Do I feel more or less:

This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.