5 Things to Learn About Your Partner While Traveling
Travel uncovers important aspects of your partner's behavior that may surprise you.
Posted August 22, 2025 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer Ph.D.
Travel is most frequently associated with vacation and getting a break. In my practice and from my own experience, I have learned that travel is extremely powerful. In fact, it can make or break a relationship. Consider the story of a woman who traveled with a relatively new friend. She was extremely anxious that their idea of how to spend the day would be at odds and that they would then get irritated with each other. Nonetheless, they both wanted to travel to the same country at the same time so they risked it. In fact, both women were anxious about how they would travel together, but neither wanted to discuss their feelings with the other before the trip. So, off they went. They were both punctual, spontaneous, dealt with airport frustration similarly, and neither of them felt a need to wake up early to see the sites. They respected their differing sleep schedules and compromised about when to eat meals. These two woman traveled so well together. Sadly, this type of synergy is not that common and I have seen it ruin relationships.
Consider the woman who had been dating the same man for six months. She really liked him and was hopeful about the relationship evolving into something more permanent. Their first trip was a disaster and they almost broke up. The man arrived at the airport late and seemed irritated at airport staff. In fact, he was described as not only irritable with staff at the airport but also with staff at restaurants and at the hotel. The woman woke up very early each morning and wanted to see all of the sites. Her partner was jet-lagged and wanted to sleep in and relax a bit before seeing the sites. The trip was a disappointing experience for both in terms of how they each liked to travel. They tried one more trip together and then broke up. They each enjoyed traveling a lot but not with each other.
You learn a great deal about partners from your time with them at home, but when traveling, you have the opportunity to learn a lot about them in a short period of time. Trips are rife with potential delays and frustrations. You are spending time together where you are interacting with all sorts of people who may please or displease you. A trip is a wonderful opportunity to observe your partner's behavior in the following five categories:
1. Frustation Tolerance and Emotional Regulation
A partner who can't deal effectively with a delayed flight may be unable to regulate his/her emotions. He may lose his cool in a variety of unpleasant ways. Similarly, this person may get aggravated at various other frustrations that inevitably occur during a trip. An inability to tolerate frustration and the tendency to get loud, irritable, and generally unpleasant are not desirable qualities in a partner for many people.
2. Kindness and Respect
If you are a kind and respectful person, then you should look for a partner who shares these behaviors and values. If a vacation partner does not behave graciously and let some things go, then there is a good chance that he or she may be a hothead in future stressful situations.
Punctuality is a sign of respect and being organized. Showing up an hour late for air travel will cause you lots of stress if you are a punctual type who allows extra time just in case. Similarly, going to restaurants late despite having earlier reservations shows a bit of entitlement. Lack of punctuality is likely to cause the punctual partner to become resentful and disappointed.
4. Spontaneity Versus Need for Structure
This is my personal favorite. The idea of waking up very early on vacation to follow a strict schedule of planned activities is very aversive to me. Yet, there are many who love this sort of structure. If you have a need for lots of structure, you might not do so well with a partner who likes to sleep in and perhaps even change plans. Perhaps you can find a middle ground.
5. Desired Activities
Perhaps you like to dine outside and people watch, whereas your partner would rather finish a meal early and go for a stroll. Maybe you are a museum person, and your travel mate hates art and loves going to see how the locals live. There is room for compromise, but even with compromise, resentment may grow.
The takeaway message is to speak to your partner or potential partner prior to a trip to see if your styles align. Even if they seem to align pre-trip, what occurs during the trip may be very different. Enjoy your trip while gathering lots of information.
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Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and their well-intentioned but exhausted parents.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.