5 Things Not to Say About Weight (and What to Say Instead)
Changing the way we talk about weight.
Posted June 2, 2026 | Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer Ph.D.
Talking about sports may be America's pastime, but talking about weight loss is likely a close second. With the recent rise of weight loss medications, you’ll be hard-pressed not to hear this topic in conversations at work, school, church, family gatherings, and parties.
Conversations with friends, family, and coworkers are now riddled with comments about dieting , calories, fat shots, and waistlines. We may have sunk to a new low.
While most have good intentions, there’s a general lack of awareness of how comments about weight and dieting can negatively impact others who are within earshot of the conversation.
Confront Aunt Sue about her unsolicited dieting recommendations delivered to her niece, and she may respond with, “What? I’m worried about her health. She knows I just want to help.”
As benign as these remarks might seem, they fuel weight stigma , which researchers have found actually negatively impacts health . Further, comments made about weight and dieting contribute to disordered eating and eating disorders .
In other words, Aunt Sue’s comments aren’t improving her niece's health and are likely worsening her health instead.
In fact, comments about others’ weight are often driven by a person’s own body dissatisfaction . So, Aunt Sue’s words may come from her own internalized weight stigma , or reduced self-worth linked to her own weight.
Here are five things never to say about weight, why it matters, and what to say instead.
1. You look great! Did you lose weight?
Why it matters: While this may sound like a compliment, think again. First, this comment supports the notion that appearances matter more than what’s on the inside. Second, it reinforces our culture's fixation on achieving the "ideal" body.
Third, the person on the receiving end may have gone through a recent illness that isn’t on your radar such as the flu or a cancer diagnosis. Even if they don’t have a backstory, it can lead to general overthinking about their body and weight.
What to say instead: Compliment the individual on their outfit instead. “That color looks really good on you.” Even better – affirm others for the positive qualities they possess. “I admire your sense of adventure and independence.”
2. You need to lose weight
Why it matters: First, it’s offensive, suggesting that the individual on the receiving end is flawed. Second, weight loss isn’t necessary in order to improve health. Making health-supporting changes can result in positive health outcomes, even if the scale doesn’t budge. Third, it’s not appropriate to provide unsolicited advice in any form.
What to say instead: Ask a question to communicate interest in the health and well-being of the person you’re talking to. “How have you been recently?”
3. Just eat less and exercise more
Why it matters: Weight loss is not just about calories in and calories out. There are other contributors to weight including genetics , hormones , medications, and conditions/diseases.
While it is often possible to reach a negative energy balance from “eating less and exercising more” in the short term, the weight is typically regained in the long term through no fault of the dieter.
Our bodies are wired for survival, not weight loss. When weight decreases, biological mechanisms often kick in to increase hunger and conserve energy in an effort to restore lost weight.
That's why body weight is about much more than personal choices. We should be cautious about assuming we know anything about a person's habits, health, or character based on their weight.
What to say instead: Instead of simplifying weight loss into a mathematical equation, normalize the complexities of weight. “There’s a lot more to it than just what a person eats and how much they exercise.”
In addition, it’s important to acknowledge that there are many health-supporting changes outside of eating and exercise, such as sleep, stress management , and managing drugs and alcohol .
4. It’s really just a matter of willpower
Why it matters: Behavior change is hard and even sustained health-related changes don’t always lead to weight loss. It’s not just a matter of willpower , it’s a matter of genetics along with many other psychological factors.
Beyond willpower, you have to enjoy the activities you’re doing in order for them to stick. And, even if you’re able to stick with new patterns over time, your body may or may not change. That’s up to your genetics and other factors that are outside of your control.
What to say instead: “Weight isn't simply a matter of willpower; many biological, psychological, and environmental factors influence body weight.”
5. Do these jeans make me look fat?
Why it matters: When you make comments about your own body in front of others, it sends the message that that is what is important to you.
You’re also not considering the body shapes, sizes, and eating disorder or weight cycling histories of the people in ear shot. You questioning your own body automatically makes others in your presence question their own bodies.
While the word fat isn’t a bad word, if used in a derogatory way, you are contributing to the negativity of the word and perpetuating diet culture. Also consider how negative body talk can influence children in your presence and how they view their own bodies.
What to say instead: “How do these jeans work for my body type?”
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Ispas, A. G., Forray, A. I., Lacurezeanu, A., Petreuș, D., Gavrilaș, L. I., & Cherecheș, R. M. (2025). Talking About Weight with Children: Associations with Parental Stigma, Bias, Attitudes, and Child Weight Status. Nutrients, 17(18), 2920.
Tomiyama, A. J., Carr, D., Granberg, E. M., Major, B., Robinson, E., Sutin, A. R., & Brewis, A. (2018). How and why weight stigma drives the obesity ‘epidemic’and harms health. BMC medicine, 16(1), 123.
van Baak, M. A., & Mariman, E. C. (2025). Physiology of weight regain after weight loss: latest insights. Current obesity reports, 14(1), 28.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.