4 Reasons We Don't Know Ourselves Well Enough
Are you a victim of magical thinking?
Updated March 31, 2026 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
There are several reasons why we don’t know ourselves as well as we think we do. Here are four.
The Actor-Observer Bias
This fundamental bias in perception states that when we try to explain why we do things (we are the actor ), we tend to over-ascribe cause to situational factors. For example, when we fail at something, we tend toward situational explanations— The sun was in my eyes. It was peer pressure . Those watching us, on the other hand, are biased toward making dispositional attributions for our actions— She is awkward. He is immoral . As a result, we tend to blame the situation , while others blame us .
How to get better self-insight: Both the situation and ourselves are responsible for our actions and outcomes, and others are biased toward blaming us.
Self-Protective Biases and Rationalization
It is a human tendency to believe that we are better, stronger, or smarter than others. After all, 90 percent of people believe that they are “above average” in intelligence and communication skills. When we fail, then, we protect our self-esteem by rationalizing and making excuses. But in doing so, we also fail to gain the self-insight for improvement.
How to get better self-insight: This is tough for many people, but it involves being honest with ourselves. It takes courage to own up to mistakes, but in the long run, we become better, stronger people. This sort of courage and honesty is what builds character.
We can solicit and verify honest opinions from others; this can help us gain self-understanding. Seeing ourselves as others see us is good feedback for understanding how our behavioral patterns affect others. For example, organizations often rely on "360-degree" feedback to improve an individual’s performance and to develop leadership . This involves getting evaluations from those around you—superiors, subordinates, peers. This helps in understanding how others see us. For example, if co-workers say you are aloof , it may be your shyness or introversion , and this feedback about how others interpret your actions can help you gain self-insight.
Magical thinking is when we make associations between one event—for example, some behavior we performed—and an unrelated outcome. Some examples are superstitious behaviors or beliefs in magic, ESP , or a supernatural force. The problem with magical thinking is that we can believe a magical force has caused our actions, and they have nothing to do with us or the social environment. Reliance on magical thinking to explain things leads to self-deception and a lack of self-insight.
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Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D. , is the Henry R. Kravis Professor of Leadership and Organizational Psychology at Claremont McKenna College.
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This article is part of the Bringwise Psychology Journal — daily insights on human behavior, mental health, and personal growth.